Crying is not just crying.
It is not just crying;
It is not just cry;
It is weeping,
When your heart breaks
breaking down,
You pour and cry your heart out;
It is when your heart feels too big to fit in your body;
Inside your heart is dying, bleeding,
So do not tell it is just a cry,
Because it is more than that.
I kept saying to myself, "Stop."
"I do not want this anymore."
This is the worst feeling,
When you started to hate yourself again;
This is when you are breaking,
When a voice echoed in your mind, and it said, "You are worthless."
And you kept on saying to yourself, "Stop"
"I do not want this anymore."
It is when you believed you are your own enemy,
And the monster was inside of you;
You hugged your pillow tight,
Cover your ears using your hands,
Because there were voices;
Whispering, "You are not worth it."
And your head drifted, full of unwanted thoughts –
Full of images of the snakes in a forest,
And you were the only one there.
You just want to sleep –
But you cannot,
Because the hot tears flow like a storm,
And your heart is the thunderstorm.
You remembered telling so many people you do not have any fears;
That person said, "Even a snake?"
And you said, "Yes."
Because the only fear of yours that time was losing a love one,
And you did not know who you are,
But this night came,
It was full of tireless scars,
And you realized:
You have many fears –
Because we do all have many fears;
It is when you realized you fear having no one to know outside;
You fear the future, "What I can do?"
You fear that when you go outside and meet new people,
You might burst out and cry like a baby,
And they would look at you disgustedly –
You fear everything.
So do not tell me it is just cry,
Because it was never a just –
It is more than that.
It is funny,
How I smile every day,
But I cry every night;
I told myself,
"It can be true, really."
I cannot sleep,
So I started to cry,
Because I could not sleep,
And all I want is to sleep –
And it hurts,
Because I could not sleep without crying;
I just want to sleep,
To rest, to escape – to vanish for a while,
But every time I sleep,
I encounter the monsters –
A vivid nightmares;
There was a ghost,
And it was staring at me;
There was a little boy who liked me as a sister,
But he turned into a monster, he ran over to me,
And it felt very heavy;
He strangled me by the neck,
But it stopped,
Because someone came to save me –
He had a shining armor and sword;
He was a light in the dark;
I had a savior, my hero – my prince charming,
In that bad dream.
How I hope in reality, too . . .
Because in reality I am a damsel in distress, too,
Who needed to be save –
By my own self.
When I had a nightmare one night,
I was in a black cage;
It was too dark there,
And I could only hear my self crying,
And he did not come –
My prince charming did not come to save me,
Because he was the one who put me there;
In that cage that surrounded infinite darkness,
I sobbed hard;
I cried hard;
I shouted hard,
But no one heard –
It was tragic,
How you want to be heard,
But no one listens –
It was cruel,
How I ended up suffering,
With blood all over my body –
It was gruesome.
And I shouted to someone;
I said, "You are so dense."
I said it many times,
Because my heart was broken;
And I know yours, too,
So it made me feel guilty,
Because I knew how that feel,
But I made someone feel like that;
And I hated myself,
Blaming no one but me;
And I cry.
So do not tell me it is just a cry,
It is more than that;
It is fearing, bleeding, blaming yourself –
It is dying.
I do not want to cry anymore please . . .
It hurts . . . so much,
Because you do not just cry for no reason –
Maybe you do not know the reason,
But when you cry,
Your poor unhappy heart breaks.
