Sweet Pacific Breezes (Provincia de Marina Series #4)

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

Sweet Pacific Breezes

I watched as the customers come and go at the diving shop. Nasa kabilang banda ako at nagmamasid sa paligid. I didn't want to gain attention from the customers so instead of staying inside the shop, I stayed outside and tried to admire the peaceful view of the ocean.

Sa unang tatlong araw ko sa bahay ni Cristy ay palagi niya akong naaabutang umiiyak. She leaves the house seeing my sleeping state and she comes home seeing me in wreck. Sa tatlong araw na iyon, wala akong ibang inisip kundi ang anak ko. I never thought of anything else but the moments I've had ever since I've known that I was pregnant. Naaalala ko ang pakiramdam na masaya ako kasi may aalagaan ako at may tatanggap ng pagmamahal ko. I was in deep regret when I couldn't even protect her kahit na sa mga sandaling iyon, ang gusto ko lang naman ay mailigtas siya at hindi madamay.

And now that I've seen the ocean, I couldn't bring myself to cry. Para bang pinapawi nito ang kung anong nararamdaman ko. The waves on the shore felt like it was washing away my thoughts of regret and pain.

Someone dropped a warm scarf on my neck. Inangat ko ang aking tingin kay Cristy na umupo sa kabilang upuan. She also placed a mug of hot cocoa on the table.

"Kanina ka pa rito," she started. "You haven't even made a single movement ever since you sat down here."

"Wala naman akong gagawin."

"Hmm, but it's good that you're here. Ayaw kong maging masamang kaibigan, Cleo and it's not my intention to stop you from mourning over your loss."

"It's fine, Cristy. Thank you for looking out for me."

"I don't want you to lose yourself, Cleora. I'm sure gusto rin ng anak mo na maging maayos ka."

"I'll be fine, just not right now, pero magiging maayos ako."

They said that healing takes time but I wish it could be done in one or two days. Hindi 'yong palagi akong gigising sa umaga para lang umiyak at umalala. The heaviness in my chest was bearable when someone is around but when I'm left alone, it was something that I couldn't carry with me. Pakiramdam ko, mamamatay ako habang hinaharap ang nadaramang iyon.

I felt sorry for my child because she had to go through that kind of pain. Alam kong naranasan na ng iba na mawalan ng anak, some were unexpected. But for my child to experience abuse from bad people, I wanted to take revenge. Kahit na alam kong nabigyan na ng hustisya, gusto ko pa ring harapin nila ang ibang klaseng parusa.

"I only pray that you'll be okay, Cleo. Iyon lang ang hinihiling ko rin. Whatever pain you feel right now, I hope He could take it all away. Hindi ko kayang nakikita kang ganito. God knows how much you deserve to be happy," Cristy smiled. Bahagya akong ngumiti. She saw me through it all. Simula nang magkakilala kami, alam ni Cristy lahat ng napagdaanan ko. Cristy knows when to comfort me. Her home was my comfort zone. Na kahit hindi ko man sabihin sa kaniya ang rason kung bakit ako umiiyak o nasasaktan, Cristy was there to offer me her shoulders.

Sobrang dami ko ng abala kay Cristy pero ni minsan, hindi ko siya narinig na nagreklamo.

"Thank you for bringing me here, Cristy. Nakatulong naman kahit papaano."

I stayed in front of the ocean for a couple of hours. Sinasamahan ako ni Cristy roon sa tuwing wala pang customers at iiwan niya lang ako kapag mayroon na. The next day, she also brought me to the shop. Sinubukan kong tumayo sa cashier at magtrabaho but I only lasted for an hour because my mind was elsewhere. Still, I'm glad that I was able to stand and interact with people. Sinubukan kong ibalik ang aking sigla kahit pa alam kong hindi ko pa naman masyadong kaya.