Sweet Pacific Breezes (Provincia de Marina Series #4)

Kabanata 39

Kabanata 39

Sweet Pacific Breezes

"Cleora!" Isidore's voice echoed around their big receiving area. Mariin kong kinagat ang aking labi habang dire-diretso ang lakad patungo sa malaking pinto. I widened my strides, eager to walk away from this house...from him.

"Cleora!" Suminghap ako at hindi na napigilan ang luha nang mahuli niya ang aking kamay. I gasped hard as the tears won't stop falling. Sinubukan kong bawiin ang aking kamay ngunit ayaw niya itong bitawan.

Dahan-dahan niya akong pinaharap sa kaniya habang sinusubukan ko namang pawiin ang aking luha gamit ang isang kamay. I wiggled my arm to get out of his grip but he was firm to make me still. Iniwas ko ang aking mukha sa kaniya nang akmang hahawakan niya ako.

"Hey," malambing niyang tawag sa akin. "What's wrong?" He held my face tenderly even when I tried to step away from him.

I sobbed. I let the tears fall to my cheeks as I struggled to talk.

"Why?" I sobbed.

"Why did you even bring me here?" I punched his shoulder. "You know what? I can't even describe what I feel. I felt okay, then the next, I don't know! I thought I'll be okay seeing everyone doing better than me, than us. Akala ko okay na rin sa akin ang maging masaya kahit saglit. But it pains me to realize that maybe I'm not going to be truly happy and maybe I will never accept it at all."

Sinubukan niya akong yakapin pero nagpumiglas ako. "Nawala kasi ang anak natin, eh. And...and after everything, you're still here. I thought you wanted me to hate you, and then the next we felt really happy. Until something strikes me again, Isidore. I don't even know what you're trying to prove. Are you asking for forgiveness? Are you mourning with me? Have you accepted our loss? Mahal mo ba talaga ako o mahal mo lang ako kasi kailangan mong mahalin ako? And since when did you even realize that you love me, is it when you thought you lost me?"

Umawang ang kaniyang labi. Hinayaan ko siyang tingnan ang aking mga luha na patuloy lang sa paglandas sa aking mukha.

He cupped my cheeks more firmly, his thumb trying to wipe my tears.

"Cleora, I'm grieving and asking for forgiveness. I'm trying to accept our loss, too," he whispered. Mas lalo akong umiyak nang maramdaman kung gaano kagaan ng pagpawi niya sa aking luha. Like I was a fragile glass, he tried to wipe my tears with pure patience and care.

"And I'm not confused about my feelings anymore. I was in denial. I couldn't accept that my heart can still love someone. Matagal akong nagdalawang-isip. I've been in love with you the moment you offered a cup of coffee, a few minutes for walks and the moment you bothered me. I'm in love with your thoughts. I've been in love with you the moment you confessed and I just realized it that night I kissed you. And when I thought I lost you, I thought I'll lose myself. I realized you weigh more than my desires, more than my dreams, and more than my peace."

He breathed hard as he rested his forehead above mine. "I love every bits of you and the fact that I almost lost you, it pains me so much."

"Believe me, mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita. I never thought that I'd be prepared again to love. Akala ko wala nang mas hihigit pa sa unang pagmamahal, but then you came and made me realize that I was really made for someone else—and that was you!"

"It's just your guilt saying for you," umiiling kong sabi. Inalis ko ang kaniyang kamay sa aking mukha.

"It's just your guilt because you failed to do your job—you failed to fulfill your promise. Hindi mo naman talaga ako mahal. All those sugarcoated words were only created for me to believe you and to make you feel better."