Liability

The only love I haven't screwed up

Your first thought when arriving at that house was how much that would've hurt a couple years ago.

(Your second thought was how marriage deteriorates someone's taste in house decor. Was that a "live, laugh, love" sign?)

Years ago, walking through that door would've had you reaching for the bottles or sent you running to the hills. Years ago, hurt and resentment clung to you like your favorite accessory and you dragged it everywhere you went, clinging back to it for comfort, one of the few you had.

But now you could not help but think about all the good time did to you, patting yourself in the back for all your progress. Of course, maturing and letting go of things was not a linear process - it was, if anything, a Jeremy Bearimy process - ir powered forward and then stumbled back, going up and down, sometimes existing outside of itself, looping around the exquisite happenstances of the life of a lost, 20-something, healing woman. The ups looked like rare sunny days of soaking up vitamin D, like new friends and long calls to Yoongi; the downs were abstract waves of disassociation and loneliness, counting the miles of distance between you and your family and everything you knew about safety.

But you managed to work out the tangles and knots of your mind, with a lot of introspection and therapy sessions and looked at you now! No longer spontaneously crying and covered in metaphorical emotional band-aids, moving to a better, lighter part of your life, steps like clouds from dropping the trauma you carried around like a 100 pound security blanket. You were doing just fine!

That's what you told Haewon when she asked about you, leading you through the entryway towards the backyard where everyone was "I'm doing just fine" you repeated "but it feels great to be back."

"It's great to have you back" Haewon squeezed your hand lightly, smiling at you "He's really excited to see you too."

You hummed softly , almost non-committal, eyes scanning around the garden, taking in the combination of pinks and blues of the decoration and the smell of cooking meat until your eyes met his.

Time no longer stopped for Taehyung, you noticed. He looked older, hair longer and combed back, the faint traces of expression lines in his still somewhat youthful face. He stood up from where he was eating next to unfamiliar faces, walking over to where Haewon left you and you waited, calmly, staring at him with the peace of knowing that he was no longer allowed to ruin your life.

"I can't believe you're having a gender-normative baby shower" you told him, the first spoken sentence you exchanged in 2 years "marriage made you tacky."

He laughed "And I see you haven't changed."

Yes, you did, you thought to yourself. Taehyung didn't know you anymore but you did not have to prove that to him.

You hummed again "How far along is Haewon?" you asked, awkwardly attempting to small-talk.

"22 weeks" he answered, staring lovingly at his pregnant wife.

"I have no idea what that means and it's kind of rude of you to expect people to do math for a baby they haven't even met. It better be a good baby,"

"It will be a great baby and that's just how all the other parents speak in the classes so I kind of just got used to it."

"Classes?"

"Parenting classes" he clarified.

"Do you need a license for it?"

Taehyung laughed, eyes almost disappearing, looking at you with heart-stopping fondness, a mutual feeling, the only one you now carried for him "I missed you" he said and you smiled but didn't say it back.