Up, Around, and Down

Dear X

Dear X,

I have given up on you.
I have forgiven too many "coincidences"
Too many lies
Too many excuses
But today, I am happy with my decision.

It is said since ancient times that cutting your hair symbolizes moving on.
So as my hair is being cut, I think of the joy we had together.
Such great joy
But the damage still remains.
So I cut it out.
I cut your smile out.
I cut your laughter out.
I cut your mistakes out.

I cut you out.

I feel as if cutting you out won't work since you're probably in my roots, but that's for a different time.
I want to not think about how bad of a friend you've been for me.

This reminiscing reminds me of a time i begged you to go to one of my softball games

You promised me relentlessly

But there i was, you not there, and me crying on a bench because no one showed up.
Not my family.
Not my friends.
Not you.

When my mom had come to check up on me because my brother's doubleheader was on break, she saw me sobbing on a bench.

I guess i made her feel guilty.
Because she brought her chair down and called your mom(to which she didn't even know about it) to see if my mom could pick you up.

There you were.
In the back of my head, i knew you didn't want to be here, but i just wanted to have a nice day.

I hit the ball a few times and even got some outs. I thought that day was a mistake on your part, That you somehow forgotten, or forgot to give me an excuse at least.

That's just a small detail among many in a book that made me want to burn it.

Perhaps I should name a more recent one?

Ah yes, now it comes to me.
It was homecoming!
Your (amazing) mom arrives to pick me up and we're off.
You know the whole catch up thing happens again since our moms organized this instead of us.
But i thought you would've changed a Little.

When we were driving there, the X i know was talking to me.
The X i know was asking about my day.
The X i know was laughing at my jokes.
There you are. That X was my friend.

But when we stepped out and you saw your boyfriend, you turned bitter.

What was I expecting?

I brushed the small rude interactions off.
Until the end.
We were waiting for your dad, and I asked a question
No answer
So i asked again
No answer

You were ignoring me.

When your dad arrives and we were in the car again, you were back.
As if you are possessed each time you see him
You were trying to talk to me again,
Trying to make me laugh
Trying to tell me about your day.

But I was sour.
I gave only polite, needed, talk

When i got home, i went to my room and cried.
I was so mad at you! (lol)

Oh!
But you get defensive and mad at me when I am mad at you.
Perhaps, I was being really annoying at the time, but didn't you know really well how much my family absolutely HATES liars?

I mean, my Mom preaches about it every time she gets to.

But,
Even though I consider you someone who I would never dare to even try to lie to
You'd do it without a second thought

My worst memory of you lying and being mad about you being caught is when we were in the hallway.

We were walking from a class and I was already tense and angry with you.
You said you vaped.
Which you tried to calm me down the second you heard me say "what"
Which is what a lovely friend would do,
But you went about it wrong.
You just changed the entire story.
I knew you were lying, but I didn't want to cause more problems, so I went with it.

(Let me just emphasize how much i hate liars, like to the point where if you're caught red handed with a simple lie, i would ditch you. And how much I'm ok with blunt truths (X knows this because it actually did happen a few times))

I let it slide, you were my closest friend since we were children after all.

2 strikes down on the board.

Then you suddenly 'forgot' something
So I went with you
You kept saying that i should go on
But i wanted to help look for what you forgot.

When we were almost to the class we were just in, you broke
You told me how you were just trying to see your boyfriend.
In which, i wouldn't of cared a single bit if she just told me

But i dont see why you had to lie to me?

That was strike 3 of the day.
I was cross with you for the week.
You never apologized.

.
.
.

Well..
I don't hate you.
But,
You aren't what I consider a close friend anymore
You are just a friend that asks for pencils when
Needed.

My hair feels as light as my shoulders.
Because sometimes you need to just give up.

And maybe I shouldn't root people so deep down into my heart, where I let so many things slide because of it.

The weeds have been pulled out and the soil has settled, soon healthier and better plants will settle and grow.

You and me both probably want this.

I couldn't be happier, X.

-your now acquaintance,  A
P.S. feel free to not talk to me! Its 100% not forced!