Closure (bxb)

thirty

i don't want this feeling, i can't afford love

i try to find reasons to pull us apart

it ain't working, 'cause you're perfect

and i know that you're worth it

i can't walk away

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The first thing Noah notices when his eyes flutter open is the pounding headache that feels like someone's taking a drill to his fucking skull. The second is the feeling of firm arms around his waist and a warm body pressed against his back. 

In the morning haze, he assumes it's Arlo and relaxes in his familiar embrace, feeling soft exhales tickle the nape of his neck. Then, Noah spots the glass of water and the pills on his bedside table and last night catches up with him.

Elijah showed up. We argued. I had a humiliating breakdown in front of him then tried to throw myself at him to compensate for the embarrassment, got even more embarrassingly turned down and sent to bed like a toddler. 

Right.

And obviously, Noah is still angry and frustrated and beyond overwhelmed... but he hasn't felt Elijah's arms around him, his firm chest pressed against his back in so long. Is Noah really to blame if he chooses to lie there, pretending to be asleep and just enjoy the moment for a little while longer?

Noah closes his eyes, softly stroking the hair on Elijah's arms as he breathes in and feels his lungs fill up just right for the first time in a long time.

Noah doesn't know how much time passes before Elijah stirs behind him, groaning as he unwinds his arms from around Noah's waist to rub at his eyes. Noah lies there, silent and unmoving, awaiting Elijah's next move.

Everything is still for a long moment and Noah imagines last night's memories catching up with Elijah the same way they did for himself. He truly doesn't know what to expect. Will Elijah be angry? Will he gather his things and leave before Noah wakes up? Or - and Noah thinks this is the worst of all - will he slip back into their ancient routine of Elijah coddling Noah like a kicked puppy and Noah relishing the attention while he can get it?

"I know you're awake."

Shit.

"You haven't breathed in nearly half a minute, Noah."

Noah turns around, accepting defeat. "Why are you watching me sleep, creep?"

Elijah regards him for a moment, eyes still puffy from sleep and- was he crying last night? Noah doesn't recall any tears except his own. "You look so... serene when you're asleep."

"Simp."

It's silent again, both men taking each other in, appreciating a moment where they're in the same room, the same bed and not at each other's throats for the first time in years. 

"Do you want me to go?" Elijah asks.

"Do you have somewhere to be?"

Elijah reaches over for his phone, checking the time. "Not till this afternoon."

"I can make you breakfast," Noah offers, unsure where all this tenderness is coming from. Perhaps it's because Noah has just recognized the fact that in the entire duration of their relationship, it was always Elijah cooking for Noah, taking care of him, picking up his pieces and trying his best to make them fit together. Maybe, for once, Noah wants to look after Elijah, cook a meal for him.