pretty boy // rodrick heffley

twenty six

tw: mentions of suicide

"Marleigh?" Rodrick asks, coming out into the living room. I missed school again. I slept better, or at least during normal sleeping hours, but I still wasn't up for it. Rodrick skipped with me, which I would've protested if I wasn't so worried about being alone. Rodrick brings me water and food and helps me make sure I brush my teeth and get out of bed and shower. I fear I'd lay in bed and dissociate all day if he wasn't here. Sometimes, I almost feel worse that he feels so responsible for me. It's as if I'm a full-grown toddler - won't make its own food, refuses forms of personal hygiene or just forgets them, but at least I'm potty trained.

"Yeah?" I reply half-heartedly.

"Are you hungry at all?" He asks, shaking a box of mac and cheese.

"Is that macaroni?" I ask, turning my head to him.

"Yeah, it is," he nods, inspecting the box. "Is that okay?"

"Can I make it?" I ask, slowly pulling my blanket off of myself. Making mac and cheese seems like a simple enough task and it's one that will keep my hands and brain occupied.

"Yeah," Rodrick answers. If he were a dog, his ears would have been perked up at this moment and his tail would be sweeping across the floor in a slow wag. I got off the couch, felt light-headed, and plopped back down. I blinked twice and Rodrick was already beside me with a water bottle in his hands. "Here."

I took a sip. The water was cold and woke me up. I thank him, working my way to stand up again. I don't feel as lightheaded this time and I take the water bottle out of Rodrick's hands. "Thanks, babe."

"Yeah," he nods, his face turning a light shade of pink. "Yeah, of course."

This makes me smile. I bring my hand up to his cheek, "You're cute."

I stand on my toes, trying to kiss him, but he turns so that my lips plant against his cheek. "Can't I kiss you?"

"I just feel weird about it," he admits. "It feels - creepy. I don't want to hurt you or make things harder for you."

"I think dodging my kiss is worse than just kissing me," I blurt. I quickly cover my mouth as an attempt to recover, but it's too late. "I just mean that, well I always like kiss you. So it's just nice, knowing that I'm not entirely gone and there's still something that's the same."

Rodrick nods, "You could go back to calling me Earthworm. That always perked you up."

There's a smile on my face, a prominent and toothy smile. It feels foreign. "You're funny... Earthworm."

I stand on my toes again and stick my chin up, waiting for Rodrick to meet me halfway. He cautiously leans down and gingerly kisses my lips. He's so gentle and he smells like vanilla that I start to wonder if I'm really kissing Rodrick. But then we pull apart for a few seconds before Rodrick's hand slips into my hair and his mouth is moving against mine in perfect rhythm. Then I know for sure that I am kissing my Rodrick.

I loop my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into me. Then he stops, only pulling away and breathing heavily. "I- I can't."

He loosens his grip on me. I feel a little wave of disappointment fill me. "Come on," I say, slipping my hand in his and walking toward the kitchen. "I want mac and cheese."

*****

"Do you think you'll be up for school soon, Mars?" Rodrick asks, tracing circles against my arm with his thumb. I know he's really asking because his parents are starting to get concerned with the amount of school I've missed - especially because I've never missed school before.

"Yeah," I reply, pulling my head off of his chest. "Yeah, I think I might be."

"Do you want to go tomorrow?" he continues. He looks nervous to push it any further, to make it sound as if he is demanding I go.

I nod, "Sure."

"Good," he grins.

"Is there something happening tomorrow that I don't know about?" I ask quickly.

"No," Rodrick answers. "No, I'm just happy you're coming back," he pauses for a moment before going on. "And I have a huge test tomorrow that I really, really have to take so I definitely can't miss it."

"Rodrick, why didn't you tell me? You know you don't have to stay here with me all the time," I ask getting frustrated. Rodrick's been missing too much school for me. He's already in trouble for attendance, I did not need to make it worse. And if he's missing this much class, he has definitely fallen behind.

"Look, I'm not missing as much class as you think I am," he replies as if he could read my thoughts. "When I am at school, I've been getting some extra help, doing lots of makeup work - that sort of stuff. Really, I promise. I'm staying caught up. Well, at least as caught up as I would be if I were actually in the classroom."

"You know, I have a feeling you won't be honest with me because you think you have to walk on eggshells around me right now," I sigh. "But, how are you doing?"

"Do you want my real answer, or do you want my eggshell answer?" He scrunches up his nose.

"I want your real answer," I say.

"Okay," he breathes. "You scare the shit out of me, Marleigh. I never know what to do, if I'm doing the right thing. I'm scared to say the wrong thing and make you start all over. I'm scared when you don't move for an entire day. I'm scared to leave you here alone. I don't know if you eat or drink or brush your teeth. I never know what you're thinking. And I don't know how long this will last or if it's getting easier for you or not. I don't even know how far you'll go. I don't know if the snap has already happened or if it hasn't. I don't know if rock bottom has been hit or not. There's no way for me to know what's going on in your head, if you've thought about - I don't even what to say it. And I am so terrified that something is going to happen to you the second I'm not looking."

"I won't kill myself if that's what you mean," I reply, turning away from him.

"Did you ever-" his voice gets quiet as he finishes his question. "Think about it?"

"It got dark," I answer. "But only for a few days."

"Marleigh, please look at me," he says quietly, his fingertips dragging along my jaw and cheek as I turn my head. "Promise me you won't leave me - anyone - like that."

"Rodrick, I-"

"Promise me," he repeats.

I nod, "I promise" before leaning toward him and softly pressing my lips to his own. "I'm not going anywhere, Rodrick."

A.N.

Hey y'all!

I just wanna know what you think Marleigh looks like because I know what she looks like but I've kinda been avoiding giving like specific details about the way she looks so you can picture whoever you want. But if anybody's curious about how I picture her, I could incorporate it into the next few chapters/rest of the story.

As always, thank you for reading and all the support! I hope you're all enjoying the story.

-Redd

Edit: This is how I've been picturing Marleigh...
She's kinda short (5'3'' ish) and curvier (about 180 lbs - 185 lbs). She's got brown curly hair, brown eyes that are big and round, and a flatter nose. Her celebrity look-alike would probably be Amandla Stenberg - but really only in the face. She usually wears her hair down or in a bun, but her mom would also braid it for her sometimes. She dresses really femininely, which y'all already knew, and sort of like business casual-ish (usually in like skirts or dress pants and button-downs or blouses - idk her mom is a lawyer so she's always liked dressing sort of like her). That's pretty much all, let me know if there's something you're still curious about!