fresh air | pulisic

06.

The following morning is a repeat of the others. Christian wakes up too early to see that Nia is still beside him and Christian still doesn't know why. He thinks too much before Nia wakes up and when she does, she is always asking about breakfast. Really, if there was one thing in this world Nia could never give up, Christian thinks it would be food. Specifically, fried chicken. Nia's eyes always sparkled when she talked about fried chicken and Christian still isn't quite sure what he thinks about that.

As always, Nia takes him to eat something good, but Christian barely eats his breakfast. He can't– he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep it down. His stomach is doing somersaults, his heart is racing and his hands are beginning to sweat with the thought of going back. He doesn't know what he's going to do when he starts to spend almost all of his day training and especially because Nia won't be there with him.

"You look like you're going to be sick." Nia says nicely, chewing on the gummy bears she'd bought from the shop on their way back from breakfast. She'd insisted on Christian buying some snacks to take with him before he returns to training because he didn't eat much at breakfast, but Christian doesn't think he'll be able to eat at all. It felt hard enough to even keep his iced tea down.

"Don't," Christian groans, closing the lid to Nia's suitcase, helping her pack, "I feel like it. Have you packed everything? chargers? money? passport?"

"Yes, yes, yes and yes." she sighs, still going through her backpack to make sure she's seen her belongings for herself. When she's made sure all of the important things are where they're supposed to be, Nia zips up her backpack and sighs, stretching her arms out behind her to lean back, tilting her head back to look at the ceiling.

Somehow Christian felt worse about Nia leaving than Nia did.

"Hey, Christian," Nia calls, interrupting his thoughts. Christian hums, only turning his head to look at him. He watches as Nia shuffles back a little, messing up her once perfectly made bed, patting the now empty space beside him. "Come here."

"What is it this time?" Christian asks, rolling his eyes. but he joins her on the bed anyway because now his hands are shaking and he doesn't think he'll be okay anymore, stretching out on his stomach to bury his face into the pillow. He's acutely aware of Nia's presence beside him, but nothing happens and he sighs into the pillow, turning his head away from Nia to bury it into his arm so he can breathe. Why didn't she buy a one way ticket? Why didn't he just stay in America?

All of a sudden, there's a warmth on his back and Nia's fingers dance along his spine. Christian wonders then if he's relying too much on the stranger that's leaving today, humming in approval when he feels the gentle tingles that accompanies the touch. "I don't know what's been bothering you lately," Nia says slowly, her eyes following her fingers. "but I think you'll be okay."

"Maybe." is the only response she gets before Christian sighs again, pulling the pillow closer as if he's about to curl in on himself. Nia chuckles, imagining his expression, but her fingers don't stop and they don't say anything more. Nia hums the song she'd shown Christian the night before, her fingers continuing to run over the bumps in his spine and Christian's eyes slide shut in an attempt to enjoy this moment while it lasted.

But there's something bothering him, and it's the fact that Nia is still here even though Christian has never really shared much about himself or about why he's here. Nia's told him almost everything about herself and yet she still offered Christian comfort, even though she didn't know what from. Heaving another sigh, Christian feels his nerves bubble in his chest and he chews on his lower hip, his eyes fluttering open to stare at Nia's luggage sitting on the floor. He hasn't been fair and Nia deserves to know.

"I feel so alone here," Christian mumbles, hearing Nia's voice become quiet. Her fingers don't still and now they're drawing shapes into his back and Christian almost smiles when he feels Nia write out 'fool'. "I don't want to go back to training."