Looking At Me • a Brynne and Hira Story (book #1)

[3] • Listen

☆☆☆Brynne☆☆☆

Brynne didn't feel like eating. She didn't feel like cooking. She didn't want to read her special cookbook gifted by none other than Agni, the god of fire. Strangely, Brynne didn't even want to think about food. She simply sat alone on her mattress in a room across from the living room, absent-mindedly twisting her trophy bracelets. 

You guys should think it through. Take it slowly, Aiden said to her after Brynne told him everything that happened last night. Talk to her. You probably give her strength, based on the way she opened up to you.

Brynne could always trust her Ammamma with subtle matters. He would be there, always knowing what to do and what to say. Brynne suspected that his good-natured qualities came from within, rather than his divine apsara half; she had to thank him for that.

It's because you're a good listener---listen to whatever she has to say, Aiden told her.

Did Brynne want to listen, though? Did what Hira said really bother her? Or was it just her ego that decided to shut everyone out? 

The TV blared and Brynne could hear the garbled voice of a man on the weather channel. From the living room, she heard Aru groan. 

"Argh! Another three days of highway closure? What is this weather, man?"

Aiden scoffed. "I wouldn't like to think you would want to get away from me, now, Aru?"

The daughter of Indra sighed and said something that made her partner laugh.

"This weather is particularly odd since the last blizzard that happened in Georgia was in 1993!" Mini exclaimed. "Perhaps the gods are angry and decided to punish us."

Yeah, right, though Brynne. They really did punish me by leaving me in the house with a homophobic little shi---

Whatever.

It's not like Brynne had feelings for her anymore, anyway.

The door creaked open and a small head peeked in. "Mini, I think I lost your hairbrush---"

Brynne looked up at the speaker. Oh.

Hira's brows crinkled and she batted her eyes in annoyance. Her fingers drummed on the side of the door as she inhaled sharply. "Looks like you're busy." Hira wetted her lips and looked to the floor. "I'll come back later."

Brynne, very busy playing with her bracelets, stood up and placed her palm on the door before the rakshasi could close it. "Wait."

If glares could cut, Brynne would have an open gash right in the chest by the intensity the rakshasi showed in her eyes. But that wouldn't stop the daughter of Vayu.

"Let's talk," Brynne said gently reaching out for Hira's arm to pull her in, careful not to startle her in any way.

Hira's lips formed a thin, flat line. She crossed her arms and sighed deeply. "What is there to talk about? You hate me. Honestly, Brynne, I'm so done with everything right now. I can't do this," she said, her voice quivering. 

Brynne. Not Tvarika, she noticed. A pang of hurt shot into Brynne's chest. Brynne never let anyone call her by any of her other names. But for some reason, when Hira called her Tvarika for the first time, the name felt like it belonged to her. The name belonged on Hira's lips.

Brynne shook herself, convincing herself it was just a minor detail. "I'm done with this too, but things will get more and more awkward between us. We'll start fighting."

Hira scoffed. "We already have."

"I know, but it will be worse."

"How do you know?" Hira asked, raising an eyebrow.

 "It just happens to me with whomever I argue with."

"Wow. Seems like you're a really likable person," grunted Hira, tugging at the doorknob to close the door. Brynne was too strong, holding it open. Hira growled exasperatedly.

Brynne sighed and scratched her head, her bracelets tinkling. "Look. I'm sorry I said those words to you earlier. I didn't know they would have such a big effect on you." She waved her arms vaguely, acting out a faint.

Hira's cheeks reddened with shame. "I didn't mean to look so dramatic." She looked back up with tears threatening to fall. "And what cruel person would just say 'nobody loves you' to someone just like that? I almost feel sorry for you. You'd have to be pretty insecure for that."

Damn. The asura bit her lip. Brynne may be strong, but she was still fragile. Hira may be weak, but recently she was becoming more headstrong, defending herself. They were so alike, yet so different.

"The truth is," Brynne started, "I don't think I was mad at you for calling us sinners just because we ki... you know."

Hira blushed. "Why were you mad, then?"

"I mean I guess I was just scared of you leaving me." Brynne's voice shook, despite how hard she was trying to keep it steady. "I was scared another person I loved---liked---would leave me to rot. Just like everyone else." 

Like my mother.

Hira's expression softened. She released her hand from the door and stepped closer. "I'm so sorry. I would never leave you like that. All this time I thought you were mad at me for insulting your uncles." She placed her hands in her pockets like she did every time she was nervous---a small thing Brynne noticed.

"I love your uncles," the rakshasi said in a quiet voice. "I really do. It's just... " Her voice trailed off. "It's nothing."

Listen to whatever she has to say, Aiden's voice echoed in Brynne's head. "It's just..?"

"It's just what we were doing---what I was doing---I wasn't comfortable with it. I didn't know how to tell you so I said it was a mistake for two girls to be together." Hira shoved her hands deeper into her pockets.

Brynne understood. Hira mentioned a fraction of her sketchy background to her last night, and getting too close to Hira probably triggered unwelcome memories for her. Hira didn't know how to come clean, so she just blamed her actions on the first thing she could thing of: being gay.

"I truly apologize. It was my fault," Brynne rumbled. 

Hira nodded, sniffing. Her face was red with shame, and her hands were so deep into her pockets Brynne thought her hoodie would rip. "I thought you were going to use me like Tarun did with his false promises."

Brynne frowned. "Who's Tarun?"

The rakshasi launched into a story, telling her about her past working for Surpanakha. She only stopped to wipe her nose or push a hair out of her face.

Brynne didn't know whether to laugh or scream at the story. She flattened the air with her palms. "I had no intentions," Brynne clarified. She wanted to tell Hira how much she liked her, and the fight had ripped her from the inside. She wanted to tell Hira how well she would take care of her. She wanted to wrap Hira up in a hug, bury her face in her shoulder, and just stay there. She wanted to be there for Hira. But the words died in her throat.

"Good." Hira brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. The two stared at each other for a long, excruciating, bittersweet moment before Hira finally turned away to search for her sister's hairbrush.

"Bye, Tvarika."