Loving from afar - JJPope

14

A flannel wet with warm water is held out to JJ, catching his line of vision and making him jump just the slightest. He takes hold of the material, and wipes at the dried blood that had painted across his face even after he had been cleaned up by gentle hands, popes touch so soft and so out of this world with comfort that JJ felt like a fucking coward for running.

"Look, JJ, this can't keep happening." The distant voice of his grandmother is stating. She has taken a seat across from him at the dining table, a first aid kid laid out. "It isn't safe. You can't keep letting him hurt you."

"Topper didn't do this," JJ attempts at the lie, but falters almost immediately at the expression that crosses over the older woman's face. It terrified JJ, seeing her in this way, her usual calm facade gone and filled with pure anger and rage. "I know."

Reaching her hand out, she places it over JJ's own, thumbing over his knuckles. And JJ almost pulls away. Almost. "Please let him go. Someone better will come along."

JJ shakes his head, and purses his lips to try and push down the sobs desperate to rein terror out of his throat. "I can't. I can't."

"JJ-"

"He loves me." Whispers JJ, and fuck, he didn't even believe himself. "He doesn't mean to.. I fucked up."

"That's still not an excuse to hit you." His grandmother snaps, suddenly furious. JJ flinches. "You have to know how dangerous this is becoming."

She was right. Of course she was. Just like pope was right. Just like everyone else was right. And yet, JJ still couldn't seem to listen. Still couldn't seem to stop making up excuses and placing the blame on himself. Still couldn't seem to find a way out. To push past the denial and see everything in its truth.

Shoving his chair back, JJ rises to his feet. "I can't do this right now." He says in a quiet voice, shaking hands clutching on tight to the wet flannel. "I just need some space to think. Please."

JJ doesn't even bother waiting for a response. Just walks away and locks himself in the bathroom, falling to the floor right beside the bathtub. Everything was a blur. From the fight, to showing up at Pope's and being taken care of, to arguing and running away. It was all a blur.

It wasn't because he wasn't listening. Far from it. JJ thinks it's because his mind doesn't want him to focus on it. And he's okay with that. Until he isn't.

Laying in the hot water of the bath, his head submerged other than his lips, nose and eyes, everything came back at full force. His body freezes, holds him in place. Makes him replay the memories and makes his eyes fill with tears.

"I own you, JJ. Try anything again to get away from me, to make people think that you're being abused, I will kill you."

JJ had never been so afraid as he was in that moment. For he knew. He fucking knew the length that Topper would go to keep JJ as his pretty doll to have attached to his arm at all times. He'd take away anything and everything to keep JJ. Even if it meant killing him.

And pope? Fuck. JJ didn't even know where to begin.

"How can you not see that the way you are being treated is manipulative and borderline abusive. Fuck, look at your face! You have a black eye. You have hand prints on your throat! Your entire torso is black with bruises! This isn't love, JJ!"

Pope loves him. Fucking loves him. And jj didn't know what to do. For how could someone as sweet, kind and as caring as Pope love someone like JJ? He wasn't special. He wasn't normal. He was a fucking wreck, and still, Pope loves him.

Suppressing the yell desperate to fall off his tongue, JJ sucks in a deep breath and drops his head fully under water, laying perfectly still.

He can't even remember the time he arrived at his grandparents. It was early in the morning, he thinks. He hadn't spent too long at the beach, thinking over every word Pope had spoken to him - the confession of his love - for JJ knew what would happen if he allowed himself to stay. He knew what he would have done if he hadn't up and left when he did.