Loving from afar - JJPope

25

Difficult was the only way Pope could seem to describe the last two weeks. Heart aching, gut wrenching, anxiety inducing two weeks that felt like they had been going on forever. And whose fault was that?

His. Pope's. Not JJ's, not anybody else's. His. It was all his fault.

There had been little to no communication on JJ's end. He barely responded to Pope's texts, asking him how he was doing and if everything was okay. Barely lifted a finger. And rightfully so, considering the circumstances. But that didn't stop it from hurting just as deeply as it did.

Pope had been a complete and utter asshole. He had been the one to blow everything out of proportion, he had been the one to request distance, him. For Pope was so stuck up on the hurt of not having his love reciprocated, so stuck up on how the kiss, that goddamn kiss that Pope couldn't seem to stop thinking about, meant nothing too JJ. He had been the one to emotionally hurt JJ more than he probably ever had been before.

Desperate was another way to describe the past two weeks. Was another way to describe just how badly Pope wanted to go over to JJ's and apologise. How badly he wanted to pull up to JJ's grandparents house and tell him just how sorry he was, how rude and inconsiderate he had been to JJ's feelings and emotions. Except, he couldn't. Not yet.

JJ needed time to process everything that had happened to him with Topper, and Pope couldn't intrude on that. JJ had been through unimaginable trauma and pain, more than Pope could ever imagine. He needed time to heal. No matter how badly it hurt Pope to wait. He just had too.

And even though the last two weeks had been difficult and desperate and all of the emotions above, it had also been incredibly warm and fun.  Almost everyday after school and on the weekends when neither of them had work, did Pope spend it by Tilly's side. Going for walks, picnics, to bookstores and the beach. Swimming and surfing, or going out on a ride on Kiara's family boat with the other couple, or even just spending lunch together at school. They were inseparable, as Cleo had told him with a smile, rolling their eyes. Even more so, now, that Pope had finally mustered up the courage to ask Tilly to be his girlfriend.

Pope couldn't stop himself from thinking about it without a smile on his lips. He never thought she'd say yes.

"What movie do you feel like watching?" Tilly's voice sounds through Pope's mind, cutting him from his thoughts. She reenters the living room holding a bowl of popcorn, and takes her seat once more beside the male on the couch, resting her body against his side.

She discards the bowl on the coffee table, and grabs hold of the remote instead, flicking through Netflix aimlessly.
Shrugging softly, Pope smiles down at the girl snuggled into his side, and lifts his arm to allow her more room to lean against him. "I don't mind." he tells her. "What kind of mood are you in?"

"Hmm, maybe a comedy?"

"Sounds good to me." voices Pope, awkwardly resting his arm around her shoulders. It felt strange, being in this position. He had never cuddled with anyone before, and even though Tilly seemed happy, Pope just hoped that he was doing it right.

Being in a relationship was new, intimidating and exhilarating in many different ways. His entire life, Pope dreamt of being with one boy for his entire existence. And now that he was with Tilly, he felt free. Free from the shackles of a ten year plan that was never going to work. Free from unreciprocated love. But that didn't mean his love for JJ had vanished.

If anything, it felt almost stronger than ever before. Which fucking ached deep within his bones. He really liked Tilly, could imagine a life with her, but he loved JJ. He always would. And he hated it.

"You okay there?" Tilly's soft voice - his girlfriend's soft voice - asks. Pope doesn't think he'd ever get used to saying that word. She was now seated across from him, no longer cuddled against his side, the movie paused on the TV. "You seem lost in thought."