Cinematic Adventures: Shrek

Evil Schemes

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you a short musical break.

Ladies and gentlemen... Elias...

*Guitar strum!*

A spotlight fell upon a man with a bushy black beard, a Hawaiian shirt over a blank tank top, jeans, and black boots. He sat upon a stool and held a guitar.

Elias (Sings):
Hello, I am Elias
And you're gonna remember this forever
I was born a drifter, and my highway is the sky

Cloudsdale to Filly
Baltimare to Saddle Lake
Foggy Bottom Bogg
Down to Hollow Shades
Everfree to Ponyville
Couldn't get much worse
Every time I come here it feels like I've been cursed
Whinnyapolis, all the way to Canterlot
I can't even describe the ignorance I saw

I'm waiting for a town that's not such a disgrace
But I see so many stupid ponies, I wanna punch them in the face

Every city I go, it all feels the same
It's got to be the ponies, they're the ones to blame
Baltimare to Manehatten- it's an Equestrian music scene
When I look into their eyes it makes me wanna scream

I'm waiting for a town that's not such a disgrace
But I see so many lost ponies, I wanna punch them in the face

Griffinstone, it feels like hell
And Yakyakistan as well
Rockville to Appleloosa is where my darkest thoughts dwell

I'm waiting for a town that's not such a disgrace
Grab your cross and walk with me, or I'll punch you in the face
I'm waiting for a town that's not such a disgrace
But I see so many stupid ponies, I wanna punch them in the face

So I'll keep searching
Until I find that town
But until that day
I'll be around

*Awkward pause* Well... that was different...

This has been a short musical break! And now... back to the Cinematic Adventures!

<>

Somewhere, in another part of Duloc, a man dressed in an executioner's hood prepares for the latest form of torture in one of the darkest chambers of the castle. The masked man, Thelonious by name, slams a glass upon the table... and proceeds to pour some milk. While making the final preparations, the castle guards march into the large chamber in single file.

Guards (Sings):
Farquaad is on his way.
He's on his way.
He is nearly here.
He's down the hall. Getting close.
He is just outside.
Behind the door.
He is on his way.
Here he is. Right here.

The torture chamber doors are thrown open revealing a terrifying, back-lit figure walking from the hallway. The figure was led into the room by two of his guards. But as the shadowy figure got closer and closer, the shadow to get smaller until it was plain to see the knights seemed to tower over him. And then... he was fully revealed before his faithful servant.

The man, Lord Farquaad himself, wore his signature outfit of mainly red and black. Atop his head was a red hat with a white top and red cape to match his red tunic with black sleeves. He also wore red gloves with gold trims, black pants, a black belt with a gold buckle around his waist, and black leather boots. He had a big chin, a pageboy haircut... and he was abnormally short (About roughly... four feet tall).

As he stood like a figure posing under a spotlight, the masked man was dunking what appeared to be a tiny person into the glass of milk repeatedly.

"That's enough!" Farquaad spoke. "He's ready to talk."