Escape - Wilbur angst

Chapter 12 - Mom

A lot of talking in this one, I'm sorry.

TWs

Talking about past trauma, PTSD (??)

Wilbur sat in his room, crying silently as his whole body shook. He had been home for three hours now, he was still a bit anxious about the whole situation.

There were four soft knocks on his door, he flinched before telling the person to enter. In stepped a worried looking Phil. He looked at the bed beside Wilbur, silently asking for permission to sit down.

Wilbur nodded slowly, but his eyes must've betrayed him as Phil sat down on the chair in front of the desk instead.

Phil sighed. "Wilbur, what happened back there?" Wilbur took hold of his hair again, pulling lightly. He tried to choke down a sob, only succeeding slightly.

"I uh... my mother used to, well... She never abused me physically or mentally, but she was- I don't really know." he took a deep breath. "She would often force me to hug her, I guess. She told me to come and hug her, and told me that; 'you know I love you right? We only do this because we want what's best for you'. And I always felt terrible, you know?"

Wilbur looked up at Phil, who nodded encouragingly. The younger tried to think of what to say next, fearing Phil's reaction.

"They did so much for me. I- when I was younger it was all fine, but then when I got older, I just didn't do enough. They put a roof over my head, fed me, worked for me, and put me in a good school. The least I could do was stay fit, get friends, get good grades, and appreciate them. But I failed at all of it, and when I got what I deserved I pathetically couldn't handle it."

The last sentence was barely above a whisper. He looked down at his shaking hands, scratching at the scars on his wrist. Phil seemed to think about everything since he didn't speak up.

To Wilbur it felt like a lifetime had passed. 'Did I say something wrong? Oh no, I did, I promise I did. He's going to hurt me now!' ran through his mind. He didn't know why Phil was so silent. Before he knew it, he was hyperventilating, panicked brown eyes meeting blue soft ones. 

"Wilbur?" the younger whimpered at his name. "Hey mate, it's all going to be okay. Can I come near you? Would you be comfortable with touch?" Phil proceeded. Wilbur quickly shook his head, scootched over to the corner of the bed and curled in on himself.

"Okay, I'll be right here. Would you like some space, should I leave? Or do you want me to stay?" Wilbur stayed silent, not being able to muster a word. Phil stood up to leave and took a step towards the door. It was better to leave him alone than risk making him uncomfortable.

Wilbur didn't want him to leave, what if he never came back? Without thinking Wilbur jumped forward and grabbed Phil's hand, stopping his movements. As Phil turned around with a slight smile, Wilbur's face went as pale as a ghost, quickly letting go and moving backwards. 

His hands covered his face, protecting himself from the hits that were to follow. The bed dipped beside him. "I'm sorry! Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry, sir! P-please don't!" he shrieked out.

It hurt Phil deeply to see one of his sons fear him. He tried to get his voice as soft as possible to not startle the boy. "You did nothing wrong, Wilbur. I'm happy you expressed your needs." the terrified boy slowly lowered his arms, still pressed into the corner. Phil offered a comforting smile.

"You don't have to worry, I'm not mad and I won't hurt you. I would never." he continued. Wilbur nearly scoffed. Promises were just lies used to give false hope for something better. 

Wilbur hadn't let his guard down, but was now breathing normally, still keeping his distance from Phil. 

"Mate, what your parents did to you was never okay, nor was it deserved. Please, don't blame yourself for something you couldn't control and didn't cause." Phil whispered. It was probably best to keep a low voice; Wilbur obviously didn't react well to loud noise.

Wilbur nodded, still not believing him. Phil knew that but didn't push it any further. "I won't force you to do anything. Is there anything you'd like though?" Wilbur didn't want to ask for more, but at the same time Phil seemed so sincere.

Wilbur slowly nodded. "I don't- I don't want to be alone. I- I'm scared you'll leave. Please don't leave me, Phil." he pleaded. Phil just shook his head, "I won't I promise."

Wilbur forced a small smile, quickly moving into a more comfortable position. A wave of tiredness flowed over him and he yawned. Phil looked back at him.

"You can sleep if you'd like. If you're not comfortable, I'll go out." Phil made a mental note to avoid the word leave.

Wilbur shook his head dissmissively, he wanted Phil to stay. It was calming in a way, despite the feeling in his body screaming in fear. He laid down and got comfortable under the sheets. 

He was hesitant to close his eyes, it still felt a little unsafe. But as Phil hummed lowly and the warmth of the covers swallowed his body whole, he let out a sigh before finally falling asleep.

After a few minutes Phil picked up his phone. He opened up his and Techno's messages, informing that Wilbur was better and now sleeping.

I have no idea for these last A/Ns anymore.

- Bread