Ash is a fashion model, not by choice but the desire of his projecting mother. People think he's too cocky for his own good, judging him based on what he posts online. But Ash hates the brush he's been painted with, along with the stereotypes of the...
love: (noun) 1. an intense feeling of deep affection
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When I get home my mother is preparing dinner in the kitchen, she tells me to sit down and I obey. She prepares a tuna salad and a couple of plates before she perches beside me. I stare at her and she's holding my hand tightly.
"Mum, what's going on?"
"Dad told me."
"About what?" I narrow my eyes in confusion.
I watch as my mother inhales sharply. "About your relationship with modelling."
My mouth opens and I chew my lip. "Oh."
"He told me that you're feeling a little trapped, that I've been pushing you too far and you don't enjoy going to castings or doing the jobs anymore," her face falls with discomfort to herself. "And I guess I'm sorry for forcing this on to you. Dad said that you said you don't enjoy doing it anymore because of the unneeded pressure from me."
I clear my throat, nodding at her words. "I've felt like this for a long time."
Her lips fold into a frown. "I'm so sorry I never listened, I'm sorry I just took control and didn't give you a chance to sit down with me and decide what castings you wanted to do."
"All I wanted was a bit of freedom, to choose which brands to work with, do some different shots, take some risks and change things up." I admit. "It gets very tedious at some points and my mental health wasn't great for a while. My anxiety used to be sky high at some of these castings and I don't think you even noticed."
Tears rim my mothers eyes. "I am so sorry, Ash," she leans forward to wrap her arms around my shoulders. "I should have been listening, I should have been seeing but I ignored it all for my own benefit and that is so incredibly selfish and I am so deeply sorry for making you feel like that."
"At one point I thought I would be done forever," I sigh and look down at the salad on the counter. "It just made me feel like shit."
"Then let me take a step back," she removes her hand from mine and holds them up in defence. "If you still think there is a chance for you to enjoy it, I will give you the freedom to explore these opportunities by yourself. You're incredible at what you do, Ash. But if you're happy doing it, I could only imagine how well you could succeed."
My head nods back at her. "Yeah," I breathe slowly. "I think some time to myself, a chance to book things myself and without the stress of constant castings. I might get back to loving it like I used to, it was a good passion of mine. But when it became yours instead, I just lost everything."
"And I get that." She agrees. "I just want to give you the space you need to get back to loving. And if you decide that you don't love it anymore, then that's also fine. I'm sure you can find something you love to do, you're so young, Ash. You've got so much ahead of you."
