That night, I started going through my stuff and did something I knew my mom would probably get mad at me for, but I didn't care. I started taping stuff to my wall. I asked my dad to get me painter's tape and I wanted black tape but all there was at the dollar store was dark blue. But I actually liked it because it was dark blue. It reminds me of my jeans. I've always thought that I don't look that good in black jeans so I stuck to really dark blue because everyone else was wearing light blue.
Once I taped everything I wanted to tape onto my wall for then, I made a list on my phone of what I would need for the concert. It mostly consisted of food and drinks but I decided that I would need several pairs of shoes. Flip flops, sandals, my Vans, flats, boots. I usually don't wear flats but I like being prepared for anything. Most of the time, when I plan something it never goes the way I want it to. That's why I plan so far ahead, so if anything happens, I can change something.
I didn't have a graduation party. I didn't even feel that proud of myself, honestly. I know what I have to go through in high school. All those stupid extra classes for college. I still haven't told my dad that I want to be a musician. He still thinks I want to be a pastry chef. It takes me an hour to decorate one batch of cookies. It's not happening. I love music. It's my passion.
I pulled out my laptop and looked up a guitar tutorial for Gotta Get Out. I wanted a 5SOS song to be the first song I learned on the guitar. I'm glad my dad got me a capo too. I practiced it about four times but I felt like something was missing. I went downstairs to my kitchen and got some ice cream. With sprinkles. And chocolate syrup. And whipped cream. Even though I felt like I wasn't worthy of it. I went back to my room and just looked at it. Grey walls. Black dresser, black mirror, black shelves, black laptop. Dark brown bed and headboard. My things taped onto my wall. I hated the white trim and I wish the walls were darker. I'm not emo or anything. I just like darker colors. Neon green and black comforter and black and light pink sheets. Black pillowcases with a little light pink and white. My Vans. Then I remembered my graduation dance. I don't like dancing at things like that. I also have to wear a dress. I got a dress today. It matches my Vans. Black and white and turquoise. My mom told me I wasn't wearing sneakers but I don't care what she says because she doesn't really like me. At least that's what I think. She doesn't like my dad, she bugs my brother when he comes over, she has pretty much no friends. She's made my life a living hell. Sometimes I thunk about Michael Clifford coming out of nowhere and telling her off, even thought he probably wouldn't.
I leaned against my wall and strummed on my guitar. Then I started singing Heartbreak Girl. I looked at the wall with my stuff taped to it. I felt like it was too cliché. It wasn't to show off my accomplishments and happy life, because my life wasn't that great. It was to show that there was more to me than that. I had flaws. Lots of them. You just had to be the right person for me to tell you about them.
I finally pulled an all nighter. I learned Gotta Get Out and Amnesia. Then I watched the full amnesia music video for the first time. I didn't want to watch it before because I knew I would cry. Amnesia almost always makes me cry. Then I thought of my graduation speech. "I don't remember much from school. Like Xhesika says, you could say that I woke up with amnesia (and forgot about the stupid little things)."
The next song I learned was Bright by Echosmith. I could always imagine Michael slow dancing with me to that song. I didn't have a major crush on him but he's a kitten, come on. Who wouldn't want to slow dance with a kitten with colored hair? Then I listened to some Green Day, All Time Low, etc. As I watched the sun rise. Then I decided to stay up all day.
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