How Did We Get Here?

Chapter 2

Chase huffed as he closed his bedroom door, sitting on the floor, leaning his back against the door. He wished Jackie wouldn't be so hard on Anti...

Of course he knew what Anti had done in the past, but that was the past. Maybe he had changed and the other Septics hadn't given him a chance to prove himself. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe Anti hadn't changed and he was just being an idiot. He had a tendency anyway, everyone knew it, he was sure. He was a mistake and he knew it. And anytime he let himself get close to someone, they saw it too. He knew Stacy had seen it, he didn't blame her for how she treated him, he had deserved it. His kids saw it, he knew how they talked about him behind his back. Even if he had never heard them, he was sure they knew how horrible of a father he was.

A mistake.

The other Septics didn't see it yet, but that was only because Chase hadn't let them see it. If he let himself get close to them, they would know how much of a fuck-up he actually was. It wasn't like he didn't want to be close to them, he loved them, they were his family. But to keep them as such, he had to keep them at a distance.

All he wanted was someone to love him, really. It was just hard, because as they say, you really can't love someone without loving yourself, and by that logic, Chase would never be able to love anyone.

In any case, helping Anti today had given him a sense of purpose, up until Anti kicked him out and he realized that he had probably just been a nuisance. Anti didn't need him. Nobody needed him.

Chase's vision blurred with tears, streaking down his cheeks.

Stop crying, they'll hear you, He thought, the thought more of a wish, as the tears wouldn't stop bubbling out of his eyes.

He wished someone would come to comfort him, but he didn't want to put his emotions onto someone else. He didn't need their sympathy. Or rather, he didn't deserve it.

Chase hid his face in his arms, hoping no one would come to check on him.

***

Anti couldn't decide if he was angry at Chase for finding him crying, or grateful for saving him from the voices. He was mostly mad at himself for letting himself cry in front of Chase, who now must've thought he was weak.

You are. You're weak.

Anti took a deep breath and stood up. He needed to get out of this room, it was starting to feel claustrophobic. He didn't want to go downstairs though, because the longer he could avoid seeing Jackie, the better. Maybe he would go ask Chase to do something with him as a nonverbal apology for slamming the door on him.

Anti steeled his nerves, pushing the voice to the back of his mind as he quietly exited his room, walking down the hall to Chase's.

With one last deep breath, Anti knocked on the door, his hand glitching slightly with anxiety.

"What is it?" Chase's reply came, his voice muffled from the door.

"Uh- can I come in?" Anti asked, happy his voice hadn't glitched out because of how nervous he was.

"I guess..." Chase answered, and Anti pushed open the door.

Chase was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, not even bothering to look up as Anti entered.

"You ok?" Anti asked, closing the door behind him and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah," Chase answered simply, but Anti could tell he was lying.

"There's tear stains on your cheeks," Anti pointed out.

"There's some on you too," Chase replied.

"Fair point..." Anti muttered, laying back so he was in the same position as Chase.