My Final Letter To You

Ch. 4

My wife,

I have always wanted to call you that. I have many regrets and one of them is being born this way. If I was born in a different time, a different life, maybe then I could have married you the proper way. There is no changing the past and there is no moving on. How can I move on without you? That would be my biggest betrayal.

A few letters ago, I mentioned how my feelings for you had changed into something new and different, something exciting. That time was filled with such stress and confusion but it was also filled with our firsts. The night of the dinner party was also the night of our first fight...

You had dragged me away from the manor and into the woods. It wasn't until we had gotten to our spot in the middle of the woods that you finally let me go. Immediately, I wanted to leave but your anger kept me rooted in place.

"What is the meaning of this?!"

I looked down at my feet and stayed quiet.

"Tell me now! What have I done that made you hate me?"

I couldn't stay quiet anymore when I heard your voice crack. I stayed looking down and tried to gather my thoughts. I didn't hate you, on the contrary, I loved you. And I will never stop loving you. I couldn't tell you though, there was no way to do so without ruining everything. You wouldn't leave it at that. You just couldn't let go of me. You always had to have your way, always needing to have the air cleared. No matter how hard I tried to stay quiet, you just wouldn't let me.

"Fine then, if you don't want to tell me then don't," you sobbed, "But don't expect me to just accept this! I will try with my everything to hate you. I hate you! Do you hear me? I hate you!"

Those words struck me so deeply. I couldn't take it anymore.

"I love you," I whispered.

You looked at me confused, "What?"

"I love you," I mumbled even quieter.

You brought yourself closer and caressed my face, forcing me to look at you, "Say it again."

"I love you," I cried. The tears ran down my cheeks as you smiled at me, "I love you so much."

You fell to your knees and put your head in your hands. I could hear you sobbing and mumbling to yourself. I kneeled there with you in the cold moonlight. I held you in my arms as we cried. After what felt like hours, you lifted your head and stared into my eyes. Your tears shone in the light and you looked as beautiful as ever. I'm sure I looked like a mess, I could feel the drool running down my chin and my nose was all clogged up. But even being the ugly person I am, you still laid your hands on my chest and leaned in close.

"I love you too, Genevieve," you whispered as you leaned in closer and kissed me.

That night, no one saw us again. We went missing the whole night. Too enthralled in each other to even think about going back. That night was the best night of my life. I replay it in my head at night when I can't sleep. About how you stood me up and took off my dress. You laid it on the ground before laying me on it. How you stood over me with an unfamiliar look in your eye. And then when you bent down and kissed me again. And again and again, until you kissed lips that have never been kissed before. I shook while you took off the rest of my clothing. You said that the night would be special for me as you sucked on my breast and played with me. I had never even thought of touching myself the way you did that night and the many other times after that. And I still think about how happy you looked when I screamed out your name. You made me say it again, and I do every night,

Look what you did to me. I can't even think straight.

I love you, Thea,

G.