Chasing Rainbows ➳ Kellic

Chapter 38: Killing Me

~Kellin's POV~

Vic wasn't at school yesterday. I wanted to know where he was, but I couldn't go around asking in case I seemed desperate, which I'm not. I'm just curious. I can't just keep worrying about him, I'm waiting for him to come to me. I'm letting him decide when he's ready to want me back in his life. Surely it won't take too long.

Maybe it's a good thing to get away from him for a bit anyway, I need to become more independent. I've been so needy towards him, I need to distance myself. I've got to gain independence again. But becoming attached is just something I do in relationships, I can't help it. It's like I always need him there, and need to be know what he's doing, at all times. It's not that I don't trust him (but I am very fearful of him ever cheating on me), it's just that I feel I can't be away from them. I need them. I need him. I need Vic back.

I looked at my phone, to see no knew messages. I've been glued to it, in case Vic tries to get in touch. But even if he does call, I'll wait to pick up, or for him to call back later. I'm trying to play hard to get. But that's a hard game to play when he's not trying to get you back.

I let out a sigh as I turned the screen back off when I heard that all so familiar voice coming from the doorway.

"Sorry I'm late, I was talking to a teacher at the office," Vic said to the homeroom teacher, coming further into the room to speak with him.

"That's okay, go take a seat." I saw him look around for a place to sit. One of the spots next to me was vacant, but he wouldn't have even noticed as he did all he could to avoid my gaze. I saw him make his way to his usual spot at the back. The whole time he walked I couldn't keep my eyes off him, yet he refused to look at me. His face showed me no emotion, and I couldn't tell if he was okay. I wanted to ask him why he wasn't at school, but I couldn't. I needed to remember that I'm waiting for him to come to me. A lot easier said than done.

It worried me that he hadn't shown up, he never takes days off, even when he's really sick. Why would he now. Is it me? I shouldn't be thinking so egocentrically, of course it's not me. But what if it is? I want to know, but I can't ask. I feel so torn apart, just wondering where he was. It was hard for me not to ask Mike yesterday, but I decided against it, as I know he'd tell Vic. And I don't want Vic to think my life revolves around him, even if it does.

I tried not to turn around for those few remaining minutes of homeroom to look at Vic. This shouldn't be so hard. When it came time to leave, I got up first, grabbing my books and making it look casual as I turned to look at him. He didn't look sick, maybe a bit down. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't look like he was going to be sick, or cry. He looked down, that's the only way I can describe it. I quickly left the room, not wanting to him to catch me looking at him. I need to keep my distance today!

Our first class is together, so I just made sure I sat away from him. Back down the front again. That means I can't accidently look at him. It also means that he will have a view of me, and I want to make sure I'm on his mind. And the way to do that, be noticeable.

I talked. I don't even really know the kids I talked to, despite being in similar classes for such a long time. But I talked to them, loudly, either way, because I wanted Vic's attention. I wanted him to have no choice but hear my voice. If the teacher asked a question, I made sure to answer it, even though I'm not good at this class at all (I'm failing it) but I gave it a shot. I acted so unlike myself, just for his attention. And I don't even know if it worked, he never did anything to get me looking his way. He stayed quiet, and hidden. And as we left the room, he avoided my gaze once more, as I couldn't help myself this time. All I wanted was for him to notice me again, so he thought of me again, and wanted to get back with me again. But I didn't get any of that. Just disappointment as I walked to my locker, thinking I need a new strategy, because obviously this isn't working.