Can't Wait

Explanation

Nikki looked down and took a deep breath to steady her nerves before she started to speak. She could feel Jack's eyes boring into her. She started subconsciously picking at the sofa material, and twisting the tissue she was holding between her fingers. "Before I explain what happened today, I think it would help if I gave you a bit of context and history with me and Matt." Nikki started.

"Mmm hmm." Jack acknowledged, bracing himself to hear about her with her ex. He was bristling with anger at what had happened. He was shocked that Nikki had come to his house and spoken to his dad, and now he had to hear about her and Matt.

"He was always quite controlling. At first I didn't really see how bad it was, it happened kind of gradually, over time. He was extremely critical, of everything, other people, me, my work, everything. I felt like I had to dress a certain way, behave a certain way, and if I did anything he didn't like, he would jump on it and make it a big deal. I think I kind of excused it at first, or ignored it. And with us being long distance for most of our relationship, it didn't impact me all of the time. Or I thought it didn't anyway."

Nikki paused and glanced at Jack who was sitting still, listening in the same position. She could see he was clenching his jaw repeatedly. She looked back down and carried on. "I've put up with a lot being with him, and I guess I was always just grateful to have someone. I've never really been able to keep a relationship going for very long. I know I'm insufferable, work long hours and don't have much to offer a partner in terms of a home life. It hadn't been working for a long time, but I didn't end it, because, well, the alternative was worse. Being back by myself again? But when he broke up with me, it was kind of a relief really. And I've spent some time realising how bad things actually got, you know, in the end. I realised I was always apologising for everything, all of the time. Stupid things, like picking the wrong wine, wearing the wrong clothes. It's embarrassing really, saying it out loud." She mused.

Nikki shifted in her seat and played with the tissue in her hands. "Well, when he turned up at my door earlier, incidentally, only a few minutes before you did, he caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting it at all. We had left things civil, and after everything that has happened with you, I honestly have no feelings for him, not anymore. He had messaged me earlier in the day saying he was in the UK and asking if we could talk. I'd simply replied that there was nothing to talk about, no hard feelings etcetera, you know."

Nikki waived her hand reflecting the dismissive response she had given him. "When he was at the house though, he told me he wanted me back, that he had made a mistake and wanted to get back together."

Jack shifted in his seat, folding his arms across his chest and continued to look at her, silent. He continued to brace himself for her to say what they did together.

"I immediately told him no, and that I wasn't interested. He made a comment about what I was wearing, and asked if there was someone else, he assumed that there was and that they were upstairs, so he took off up into my room. That's when you arrived. I know it all looked terrible, Jack." Nikki pleaded, "I totally get why you would have thought something had happened, especially with Matt saying what he did. He only said that because he always had suspicions about us, and he must have seen you through the window and decided to cause trouble." Nikki sighed. "Once you took off, he came downstairs, I gave him his box of stuff and pushed him out the house."

Nikki looked up into his eyes and leaned forward on his sofa, "Jack, I would never, ever, ever cheat on you. On anyone! I just wouldn't do that, I'm hurt you think I would, but like I say, I know how it must have looked to you. The only reason I was wearing my robe was, well, because..." Nikki's cheeks flushed pink, "because I thought that since we would have some time, before I'd need to get ready to go out, that, errr, we would..." she looked down, voice trailing off, mortified at talking like this when she had never been this open about sex or anything like that with her previous partners.

Jack looked at Nikki and his face softened, his lips curled slightly at the edges. He let out a long sigh and leaned forwards in his chair, resting his arms on his knees. He was relieved, he had been convinced that Nikki was back with Matt and that they had slept together.

"Jack, please believe me..." Nikki whispered, looking at him with tears welling up in her eyes

"Just, give me a moment, Niks. Please." He responded, thinking her story over. It all seemed plausible. And he had thought Nikki seemed so happy with him, he couldn't imagine that she would cast that aside for the type of relationship she was describing with Matt. As her best friend, he knew that she'd always been resolute with her relationships in the past, no cheating, nothing. He had never seen her compromise those principles.

He looked at her. He wanted nothing more than to believe her. He thought back to the previous night, that morning, the way her face had lit up when they talked, the way her body responded to his touch. If she was telling the truth, he felt awful. He looked down. He had just walked away, blocked her number, made her cry. She had been forced to show up and speak to his father about all this. There's no way she would have come to face his father if she was lying. She must be telling the truth.

Jack grimaced, 'Jesus, I've been an idiot' he thought. He looked at Nikki and saw her puffy face, her pleading eyes, the tissue she was nervously rolling around in her fingers. He didn't ever want to be a reason for her to cry. It sounded like Matt, and probably her previous relationships, had all been challenging for her to navigate. He didn't want to end up like them.

Jack gave her a half smile and held out his hand to her. Nikki took it and Jack pulled her over to him in the chair so she was sat sideways across his knee. He hugged her tightly and pulled her close against him. "I'm so sorry, Nikki. I thought the worst of you, and that wasn't fair. I didn't give you a chance to explain before, but I'm glad you came over and made me listen." He looked up at her, "or, got my da to make me listen." He smiled and went back to hugging her tightly.

Nikki let out a huge sigh of relief, and sniffed, "I'm sorry Jack, I know how it would have looked. I never want to cause you to be upset, or angry. Being with you, even for this short time, has made me realise how much happier I am with you. I feel like I can be myself." She kissed the top of his head and hugged her arms around his neck. He looked up at her and she took his face in her hands, and planted a tender kiss on his lips.

"Ahh, will you look at that," Conor exclaimed from the doorway, "shows what can happen when you bother to listen son!" He smirked at his youngest.

Jack smiled sheepishly back at his father, an arm around Nikki's waist. "Thanks da. Sorry to have got you involved in all this."

"Well I'm glad you came here, Nikki. You two have been dancing around this for too long. Both of you need to step up for each other now. It's not like just being friends, you know. Honestly, you kids!" Conor rolled his eyes. "Anyway, dinner is ready. Jack, can you get it out of the oven? Nikki, you can come sit next to me and tell me more about when you were a tear-away, I want to know if you can beat Jack's antics." He smiled and went back into the kitchen.

"A tear-away, eh?" Jack smiled, looking up at Nikki.

"Oh yes, Jack. There's a lot you don't know about me and my younger days." She smiled back at him.

"I can't wait to find out." Jack smiled at her affectionately. He stood up with Nikki and pulled her close to him, reaching a hand up to stroke her hair away from her face he murmured, "I really am sorry, Niks." Searching her eyes to make sure she believed him.

"I know, and I'm sorry too." She smiled. Jack leaned down and kissed her gently. He took her hand and led her to the kitchen.