Wrestling Opinions/Rants

How I Would Book Kairi Sane's Return Pt. 1

Okay so first off, this is going to have a bit more anger than usual because I have a question for Vince: how was your booking that fucked up!

And secondly, this booking for Kairi's possible return to WWE is gonna be pretty simple and on point because Vince, HOW WAS YOUR BOOKING THAT FUCKED UP! KAIRI SANE IS JAPAN'S MOST PERFECT FEMALE WRESTLER YOU FUCKING OUT-OF-TOUCH OLD GREASEBALL!

Fair warning, I might rant here and there but please excuse that since Kairi was the main reason why I got into NXT and now that she's back in Stardom, her home promotion, I'm not sure about watching NXT ever again.

You want someone who can be the best worker and be the type of wrestler everyone would want to work with? Okay, Io Shirai and Mayu Iwatani would like to have a conversation with you. Oh wait, you won't want to because you'd rather listen to your fucking yesmen than hear some ideas on how to make her look great, booking-wise!

Do you want storytelling in the matches? Oh, Takeover: Brooklyn IV would like to talk to you! Watch her match with Shayna for the NXT Women's Championship and then maybe you'll understand how telling a story in the ring works!

Do you want someone with a great gimmick? LOOK AT HER! Look at her! Kairi's the only wrestler in the world that can make a pirate gimmick work!

You want someone who can talk the talk and walk the walk? How about you listen to some of her promos in vignettes and maybe get her ability to talk through your eyeballs!

If any of you think I'm being a Kairi Sane fanboy, then FUCK YOU! This isn't about me, it's about Kairi being booked to shit back when she was in WWE, it's about how she should've been booked!

Look, I'm sorry. I'm trying to keep my emotions out of it, but can we just acknowledge the fact that they did do something with her when she got called up from NXT? I mean, she was used however she was but of course it didn't go how we all wanted it to be.

So, to recollect on how she arrived in WWE:

After working in your World Wonder Ring of Stardoms and Lucha Undergrounds, Kairi Hojo had arrived in WWE under her new name Kairi Sane as she was allowed to keep her Pirate Princess gimmick because of her history as a former yacht competitor.

She would win the 2017 Mae Young Classic, please bring it back sometime WWE, and she would be thrusted into the Championship scene very early, but she didn't win because she wasn't covered for the three count by Ember Moon in the fatal fourway match for the vacant NXT Women's Championship.

She would also get into matches that would make her a star in NXT before getting involved with Shayna's Championship run until July 2018, but before that, in late May, she was scheduled to be at a House Show in Largo, Florida, on May 31st, five days, BEFORE MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY NO LESS, but I never got to see and meet her for my birthday because the bitch I'm ashamed to call my mom didn't bother paying for the front row tickets.

And in case you wanted to know, I wanted to give her an option of choosing which drawings I drew and I wanted to give one of them to her:

And I had a sign for her to notice and come over and say happy birthday to me while giving me her autograph on it:

My fucking mom ruined the one thing that could've made my 21st birthday even better. The fucking gall she had, I ripped up the pictures and the sign after she refused to buy the tickets.

Anyway, back to the booking, Kairi would win the NXT Women's Championship from Shayna at Takeover: Brooklyn IV, and would hold the title for two months until Shayna won it back and then retained it from Kairi at Takeover: WarGames II in a two out of three falls match thanks to Marina Shafir and Jessamyn Duke.

After a run with Io Shirai in a tag team known as the Sky Pirates and failing to win back the NXT Women's Championship a second time, Kairi debuted on the main roster to be a tag partner with Asuka as the Kabuki Warriors.

Bruce and Vince didn't know how to book them correctly until October 2019, they won the WWE Women's Tag Team Championships from Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross after not being featured on TV for months after the team was formed.

Their reign would continue to demoralize Kairi's run in the company, making her feel like the afterthought of the team while Asuka was more of the favorite and until Wrestlemania 36, a month after the global bastard made its worldwide debut, the two lost the Championships back to Bliss and Cross before being off TV again.

That was when the bad things really started: Kairi was injured by McDonald's lover and the Viscera's long lost relative Nia Jax, twice, resulting in a concussion and a cut on her head, although there wasn't blood.

Kairi then was pushed to the side AGAIN after Asuka won the Raw Women's Championship by Becky Lynch giving it to her while announcing she was going off of TV to give birth to a Becky Lynch Jr.

After some time off of TV, it was announced that she was looking to let her contract expire so she could return to Japan and be with her newlywed husband.

After returning to Raw and teaming up with Asuka to fight against Bayley and Sasha (now known as Mercedes Moné, what a great debut she had), where she was able to win one match against Bayley and Sasha separately, one by disqualification and one by a clean fall, can't remember which competitor because it's been that long, and then Kairi was taken off TV by a kayfabe ambush by Bayley and Sasha, making her exit from WWE.

I cried like a baby when she left the company and I vowed to never forgive my mom for not buying the tickets from 2018 since that was my one chance to meet her.

I even heard from a friend that the farewell video WWE had released about her made a lot of people cry and I took their word for it and decided to not watch it because of that reason alone.

Fuck me in the ass and call me John Cena I guess, let me give it a try.