him | jolinsky (v slow updates)

two

gilinsky

I just wanted to know what was wrong with the boy who has been there for me since I was five.

I felt so hopeless because I couldn't figure out what was bothering the boy so much. I made a small list of things I became worried about over the course of the past two weeks and I was more confused than ever.

I let my head fall back against the hard material of the roof. I casted my eyes up towards the sky.

"Please," I finally started to talk, "I can't lose him. He means everything to me."

I stared at the blurry stars and prayed someone out there heard me. Maybe God did or someone, but I just wanted to talk to someone and I didn't care if it was air at this point.

"It sucks so bad seeing him so upset about something that I can't figure out. He was always so happy and his eyes shines brightly and now, everything is gone within him."

I sighed and stopped to catch my breath, "I have no idea what's wrong with him...."

I pulled out my phone and checked Twitter. I scrolled through my timeline for a while, getting lost in the interaction with fans. They made me happy, happier than they will ever know.

I clicked over to my dm's then I saw the one I dreaded.

"@everythingwithinhim: is j okay?"

I furrowed my eyebrows as I typed, "what do you think is wrong?"

After she freaked out for a couple dm's she composed herself and said, "he seems... sad? upset? he looks sadder, i don't know g"

I clicked out of my dm's frustrated and decided I should tweet something.

"@JackGilinsky: you are everything to me"

I closed Twitter and closed my eyes, what is wrong with him?

* *

I woke up when the sunrise started to blind me. I squeezed my eyes slightly and looked around. I fell asleep on the roof, nice one Gilinsky.

I snapped a quick picture of the sunrise and crawled back through my window. Many things laced my mind with doubt and nervousness and I tried to piece things together with J.

He's still asleep even though he went to bed right after last night's events. I kicked around some dirty clothes trying to make a path to my door.

I grabbed my phone and phone charger and my keys. I dug a century old paper up and scanned around for a writing utensil. I found a pen and wrote J a quick note.

"Hey J,
I'm at Nates and didn't want to wake you up. Make sure you eat something.
Love, G"

I left the note on the dining room table and slipped out of the door. Nate will know what's up or will have a guess. I sighed a little at my thoughts.

* *

I sat on Nate's couch in his basement and watched him as he expertly and swiftly rolled a blunt.

"I'm worried," I finished off everything I was telling him, "he's just not himself anymore."

Nate's stare softened at me, "okay, so he's tired all the time and? What else, I forgot, sorry."

"He doesn't eat much and has no energy ever." I sighed thinking about him.

"Want one?" Nate nodded towards the blunt.

"Nah, gotta drive home," I shook my head and he nodded and blew out smoke of his.

"I think there's something seriously wrong," Nate stared at me, "not to scare you or anything."

"Like what? I don't get it."

That's when I noticed Nate's wiser side coming out as he looked at me with slightly red eyes, "I'm not a doctor, man. But if you really think something is wrong with him, you should get it checked out. It could honestly be anything."

I nodded and brought my legs up to sit criss-cross on the couch.

"It could be anything from a serious illness to some sort of mental disorder." Nate continues, "You have the right to be worried. Honestly, I'm kind of worried."

"He says he's fine and that he doesn't need to go and I don't want to push him past his limits because I care what he thinks too." I massaged my temples, the smoke giving me a headache.

"That's what humans do. We say we're okay when we know we're not. We don't like to worry the people we care deeply about because then they would want to take all our pain away and put it on themselves and we can't handle the thought of hurting someone we care for like that."

I soaked in everything Nate tells me because he is filled with know leg and wisdom even if he doesn't know it.

"Jack is associating being 'fine' to a modified version of 'fine'. The levels of 'fine' vary from person but it can be serious." Nate blew some 'o''s with the smoke and looked over at me, "I remember this because of Sam when he was around sixteen."

"What happened to Sam?" I asked, confusion coursing through my mind.

"When Sam was sixteen he was depressed. Like, they diagnosed him and stuff." Nate's eyes softened and he put the blunt out. "Sam was always telling me that he was fine and I blame myself to this day for allowing him to get to his breaking point."

I let my mind wander and listened to Nate intently.

"He's was always 'fine' or 'tired'. That's the thing too, he was always tired. He didn't want to do the things he used to do that required large amounts of energy."

I cut in quickly, "so he didn't want to skateboard or sing or anything?"

"Nope, he wanted to lay in bed all day," Nate shook his head, "when he was diagnosed they said he had extreme clinical depression. I couldn't help but blame myself for not getting him help."

"Is he okay now?" An image of Sam flashed through my mind of him smiling and being happy like he always is.

"Yes." Nate smiled brightly when he realized he can talk about how happy Sam is now. "After months of therapy and support from his family and mine, he is finally on his road to recovery and the happiness he deserves. The anti-depressants changed him though but now he's off of them and normal."

"Thank you, Nate," I thanked him for the information and pulled out my phone to make a doctor appointment because I knew J wouldn't himself.

* *

authors note:

HIIII just a quick lil update
ok comment and vote and shiz
luv u all