i'd rather stay ~ matty healy

hidden love

i walk back into matty's house to hear two voices from the living room. i take my coat off and set it on the rack by the door, along with slipping my shoes off.

i peak into the living room to see matty distressed about something and the other guy laughing "hey... i picked up lunch" i speak up; earning both of their heads to turn my direction.

i hold the to go bag of fish and chips in my hand "didn't even hear you come in- blair this is george" he says cunningly while putting his hands in his pockets "i heard about you earlier today. nice to meet you" i say while extending a hand. george shakes it softly "matty told me about your apartment.. i'm sorry to hear" i wave him off.

i didn't really want to talk about it "so george was just leaving" matty places a hand on george's shoulder.

i raise my eyebrow slightly at matty's behavior as he says his rushed goodbyes to george. the door shuts leaving matty and myself in silence.

i walk into the kitchen; setting the bag of food on the counter "george seems nice" i flatly say while feeling matty's presence enter the kitchen "how was the talk with chelsea?" he takes a seat on one of the chairs next to me "i got input on a few things" it was true.

i had told chelsea about my apartment and what had happened. she told me if i needed anything she was there to help. we spoke about matty too, only for her to say "i know hidden love when i see it" all i could do was shrug at her words; i simply couldn't deny it.

i was pretty certain i felt more than a friendship with matty but i couldn't bring myself to admit outwardly. part of me wanted to tell matty but there's that underlying fear that his feelings aren't the same.

i guess i didn't get clarity on this situation given how much i've been thinking about it "love, are you okay?" he knits his eyebrows at me "why wouldn't i be?" i grab my container of food "you're sort of quiet..." he opens his box to start eating lunch.

it's not like i could just tell him, it wouldn't be right to bombard him with it "blair what on earth is up with you?" my lack of response makes him ask me again. i felt frozen over the fact these feelings for matty were all of a sudden the only things i could think about

"there's just a lot going on right now..." i rest my palm on my forehead. he swallows a bite of food "of course there is i mean with your apartment and stuff-" "it's not just that!" i bark out a bit louder than i wanted too.

i stand up, not even having the stomach for food anymore "matty, i've stayed quiet about it but now it's just all catching up to me. these comments that you make towards me are so... so fucking confusing i cant even begin to express how they make me feel in bad and somehow good ways-" "love-" "see, like that! you're the most confusing person i've ever met!- before i met you, any person could call me love and id brush it off but with you i-" i stop short with this feeling of defeat growing in my body.

now he was the silent one. no word could explain the emotion within the room. tears form in my eyes realizing he wasn't getting it "you have no idea what i'm trying to say do you?" i tap my foot on the floor "i have no fucking idea what you're trying to get at here" his words sounded like lies "god- i fucking knew it! this was all a fucking game to you..." i walk out of the kitchen and into my room down the hall to grab my stuff

"what are you doing?" he rests his hands on both sides of the doorway "i'm going back to my apartment" i stuff my clothes quickly into the bag. i walk in the bathroom grabbing my toiletries, putting them in as well.

matty's eyes follow my every move
"i didn't-" "don't say you didn't mean it. you said it and now i now exactly what your motive was this whole time" i wipe my eyes dry of the tears that keep falling

"i was a time killer for you. i told you exactly what i thought of you and yet you still used me like this. my attention is what you crave and somehow i didn't see through that until now. when you left for that whole month i thought i wasnt going to see you again-" "but you did and you're seeing me now-" "look at where that got me!" i raise my voice back at him.

my chest heaves with cries as i push past him "blair please don't-" "i have to go. if you have something else to tell me please say it now" my back faces him while my hand rests on the door handle. i slip my shoes on only to be met with silence from the man behind me.

i shake my head with a cry filled sigh. without looking back, i walk out and slam the door behind me.

maybe i should have looked at him as matty healy of the 1975.

a rockstar who thinks leading a girl on could be done without any consequences.