♥ complicated: Chishiya x Reader ♥

Part 7: What is love

What is love? Love is an intense, deep affection for another person. How do you love someone? By supporting them, being loyal to your significant other, loving them for who they are, trusting them and most important of all loving yourself. How can you love someone when you don't love yourself? You simply can't. You can't fully love someone without loving yourself.

Do I love Chishiya? I do but I can't give him my full self. I have too much-complicated stuff going on in my life I can't cope with another thing on top. He knows too much. I'm going to have to kill him or keep him forever.

Having parents who either left you or treated you like shit your whole life it's made it difficult to recognize love and how to love because you have never got the chance to experience it. When you finally get the chance to experience love, you end up pushing them away as you sense they will turn and leave so before they have the chance you push them away first.

I don't want that to happen to Chishiya. Chishiya won't allow me to as every opportunity he has stops me from doing harmful things to myself. Apart from me wanting to let Chishiya go to prevent him from finding out more but another part of me wants his comfort when he puts his soft silky skin on mine to stop me from worrying, I want him to protect me but it all comes to a cost. He needs to know the full truth. Should I tell him?

I remained in my room the rest of the day as I was embarrassed that I ran away from Chishiya.  I started to get bored just laying on the bed and staring into space. So I decided to go find Arisu and Usagi to hang out with them.

I walked down to the lobby to see Niragi standing at the bottom of the stairs with his machine gun over his left shoulder. Shit! Shit! Shit. I attempted to walk back up the stairs to avoid him but he already spotted me.

"Y/n!" He yells

Fuck! fuck! fuck. I slowly pivoted around to see Niragi a few steps away from me. I see his hand reaching up to my cheek creasing it. I attempted to move back but I couldn't move. He had his hand locked around my waist. I could feel my chest getting tighter as he moves closer.  I was helpless I was unable to release myself from his tight grip. I was trapped and powerless.

"Come on y/n let me show you a good time." He whispered into my ear.

He grabbed my wrist and started pulling me up the stairs. I was so fed up with people pushing me around my whole life I finally stood up for myself.

"No!" I yelled causing everyone to land their eyes on me and Niragi on the stairs causing a scene.

"You what!"

He started yanking my arm to force me to go upstairs. I protested as much as I can before pulling his arm off me and screaming.

"I said no!"

He didn't like that answer. You could see the anger in his eyes. The grip he held onto his gun. He looked like he wanted to kill me.  Everything went silent for a couple of seconds before Niragi pounced on me whacking me in the face with his machine gun. I could feel blood oozing out of my face as he cuts my face. My vision started to go blurry. I was defeated.

"Niragi get off y/n" I hear a faint voice appear

My vision was blurry but I could see Chishiya dragging Niragi off me causing Niragi falls down the stairs.

Chishiya slowly started lifting me onto my feet. My vision was still blurry and my legs were weak as Chishiya helped me to my room. Chishiya sat me down on my bed and went to get the first aid kit to fix me up.

" How did this happen," Chishiya said as he poured alcohol onto the wound on the side of my face.

"I stood up for myself," I say while trying not to wince through the pain.

Chishiya was inches away from my face bandaging the wound up. I could feel his breath pounce onto my face making my heart pound.

"All done," He says

He steps back and our eyes met. His big brown eyes stared into mine making my stomach flutter. His gaze is intense and I could feel his eyes narrowing for me to say what was on my mind. I couldn't help as the words flooded out of my mouth.

" I love you!"