Wrath of the Gods [Legacy, BK 3 - Hiatus]

5.1 - John

After hours of soaking in the pool's water, the designs faded completely from my skin. Climbing out of the pool took effort as my body adjusted to holding up its own weight again. I'd spent the long hours either trying not to think at all or thinking in circles about what I needed to focus on next. There was a long list of things that needed to be done and the overwhelming pressure that went with it.

From the tunnel that led back to the system of caves, I stepped out onto the stairs that led up and down the cliff face. The sun was sinking into the western horizon, glowing golds and reds across the open sky. Looking out over the half wall and down to the courtyard below, I saw the villagers camped below, gathered around their fires. At the gate, Hunter and Ezra came through from the jungle, closely followed by Kaylee and Jett. The only reason I could think of them all to be out there was to initiate Jett and get him his first demon. Everyone looked happy, so it must have gone well.

I should go down there and join them. Ask about Jett and take an interest in what they had all been up to. But the resistance was tangible. I could no more move my feet and walk down the steps to the courtyard than I could move this mountain to the other side of the river.

Why was it so hard? Why couldn't I offer the same support to those who'd been there and supported me? The rational part of my brain reasoned that Jett was new. I didn't know him like I knew the others. But that didn't help me feel better.

Instead, I turned and climbed the stairs, heading upward. I watched the sky with the golds and reds turning to deep indigo as I made my way slowly past the little shrine Ezra had met Poe in and out onto the open cliff face. The wind pushed at my hair, blowing a few of the longer strands into my face.

Pausing at the edge, I looked out and saw nothing but the tops of the jungle trees for miles as the stars started to appear over ahead. I sat down here on the path, crossing my legs under me. Walking much further without a light source would be dangerous, especially given the vertical drop that ran parallel to the path. But I was content here, out of everyone's way, where it was quiet. It reminded me of another time. An early morning just a few weeks back that had a clear sky just like this. There was only one thing missing, or rather, one person.

Hunter was my guiding star, my compass, the rock that kept me steady. I don't think there was anything in the world I could offer him or do for him to make up for all I'd put him through. And yet, he stayed with me, always by my side. Ready to motivate me or lecture me if needed. Never afraid that I might hurt him.

A scuff of a foot in the dirt behind me caught my attention, and I turned, half expecting Hunter himself to be there. It wouldn't be unlike him to seek me out as soon as he'd gotten back. But instead of finding Hunter, Poe was there with a small lantern dangling from his fingers to light the way.

"Ah, so this is where you've been hiding." He came forward and crouched, taking his time to settle into a seated position next to me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize anyone was looking for me," I said. "Is everything all right?"

Poe set the lantern aside and focused his gaze out at the stars. "No, don't apologize. Everything is fine. I just wanted a chance to talk with you. See how things were going with your power."

The sun had completely set by now, and only a faint line of orange could be seen in the west. I glanced down at my hands, flexing them as I studied the smooth skin clear of the death stains that tranced patterns over my skin after I used my power. I tried to put my thoughts together to describe how I was doing, but the words failed me. How was I supposed to just deal with this for the rest of my life? How was I supposed to rationalize that all I knew was how to kill when before my power centered on creating life?

"That great, huh?" Poe whispered.

"I don't know what to do with it." The word tumbled out of me like a floodgate had been opened. "I mean, I can kill with a touch. It's great self-defense, but I'm afraid of hurting someone who matters to me."

The 'again' hung in the air, a silent reminder that I didn't want to kill any more of my family or start on my friends. It was possible I'd lose control again. If Hunter and I were going to keep looking for the witches and the remaining plants, I would cross paths with my sisters and mother at some point. I didn't want anything to happen to them. We may be on opposite sides of this war, but that didn't mean I cared for them any less or wish them dead. I only wanted them to open their eyes and see how corrupt the Coven's system was.

"Learning control and mastery over a new skill is never instantaneous. It takes effort and persistence. It takes time," Poe said.

"Which is not something I have much of," I said bitterly.

"You've more of it than you think," Poe said, glancing off into the darkness. "I was the same way when I was young. Not thinking I had enough time to go after the things I wanted. Always thinking there'd be more time later, next week, next month. The problem was when that time came, I'd say the same thing again. 'Not now, later'." Poe shifted his position a little, turning to look at me. "But if it's important to you, you have to make time for it right then or else that sometime later can be stolen from you. That sometime might never come."

There was an old man's wisdom in his words and more than enough regret behind them. I could hear it plain as the sky was clear above us. It sounded like he'd had many of those sometimes stolen from him. But as wise as those words were, how was I supposed to figure out my new abilities with nowhere to start?

"How do I study something that I don't have any clue about? And it's not like there's anyone else out there with my abilities that I can go to for advice. What am I supposed to do? How do I move forward?"

Poe was quiet for a long moment, glancing off again. I watched him closely because even with all I'd just said about not knowing who to turn to, I knew that Poe was probably the closest thing to a teacher I could have. He'd given me this power, it had even been his originally, but it'd mixed with whatever had been left in me when the poison had been burned out, leaving behind a mutated mix of witch and necromancer abilities. A power I was struggling to control.

"Start with what you do know," Poe said finally. "You know you can take the life of living things by touching them. And you've learned to touch without taking life. You can also create a portal, which was something I'd not even suspected that you would be able to do. Start there, and work outward."

I threw my hands outward with a sound of frustration. "But I don't see how that is supposed to help me! How do I figure out what to do next or what other abilities I might have?"

Panic rose in my chest, and I felt like I was suffocating. As much as I didn't regret it at all, getting between Ezra and the poison his brother tried to stab him with, I missed the old me. I missed feeling the life in the plants and the earth around me. I missed the surety that I knew what I was doing. I missed knowing who I was.

Wet tears fell from my eyes as I closed them tightly against everything I was feeling. I felt Poe shift closer, putting his arm around my shoulders. The touch was tentative as if he were unsure about offering it. But I gave into the comfort he offered me, and I found the steadfast presence doubled-edged, reminding me of the father figure my dad never was. Yes, dad had provided for us. He'd been a problem solver, someone my family and I could depend upon, but my dad had never offered me emotional comfort. Not like this.

I let it all go. My fears, my anger, my grief. All of it. And while the frustration at my current situation had only been the match, there was plenty of fuel for my tears to burn through.