𝒯𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝐵𝓁𝑜𝓈𝓈𝑜𝓂

Daffodils

"I am hyper alert to people turning away from me. I have a perennial sense of being an outsider."

― Wendy Hoffman, White Witch in a Black Robe.

~*~

She watched as the fire crackled, she watched as the wind blew the pages of Kakashi's book, as it blew through the trees and tussled the grass. She listened to Naruto's inconsistent murmurs, and the sound of Sasuke restlessly twirling a kunai with his finger.

The night air was crisp and clear, comfortable enough but still chilly. It was nights like theses where the wind was a plush kind of cold and the moon was at its fullest, when she felt the most serene. Sakura could take a moment to admire the beautiful things instead of everyone around her.

She heard Sasuke jump down from his perch in one of many trees that surrounded the campsite.

"Kakashi, time to switch." Sasuke spoke as he walked over to where his bag laid and shifted through it before pulling out a weapon pouch and his whetstone. He started sharpening his blades.

Kakashi didn't bother placing his book in the small pack tied to his leg and leapt up onto the tree Sasuke had just been laying on. He sat down and leaned his back against the tree, eyes never straying from the pages.

She listened as Naruto snored, as Sasuke's kunai gained a sharper edge, and as Kakashi flipped through the pages of his Icha-Icha book. Sakura heard the way the bushes rustled as the wind blew past them. She listened to the world around her, and wished the noise would save her from her thoughts. But it never did. Nothing could.

'Kakashi-san should be on watch duty for the next hour our two...'  Sakura thought as she moved from her spot in front of the fire.

Sakura closed her eyes and waited for the sweet relief sleep to overtake her. But it never came. Instead, she lied awake, aware of everything.

~*~

Sakura didn't notice how long she had been lost in her thoughts, in her observations.

"Sakura." Kakashi tapped her shoulder, Sakura turned her head towards her team leader. "Time to switch."

She simply nodded. Sakura reached for her bag and took out one of the many books she always carried with her. She stalked over to the tree Kakashi and Sasuke had sat for their respective turns on watch duty, directing chakra to her feet she swiftly walked up the side and found a nice branch to sit on.

She planted herself on the tree limb where she would be for the next two hours. Sakura opened the book and read. She was too lost in her thoughts to prosses what was on the pages. It was always like that, but her mind still committed everything to memory.

Over time Sakura came to accept the fact that that she would have to stop relying on others, she couldn't rely on her sensei to help her grow as a kunoichi. He was never going to see her, not with Naruto and Sasuke shining so brightly. Sakura was never going to be noticed by anyone while she was stuck in the shadows her teammates cast.

'I will never shine like they do.' She didn't like the fact that she had become used to always being in the background.

All she'd ever wanted was for someone to notice, to care. Sakura had yet to find that someone. She doubted she ever would. 

She closed her book and just listened to her surroundings. This was a kind of therapy for her, just listening as the wind brushed past the trees, and the creatures of the night doing whatever their little hearts desired.

'You will never be good enough, Sakura.' The voice echoed in her head, it never stopped, it would never stop. It haunts her, it steals her sleep, it hacks away at the small bit of sanity she has managed to protect. But it will never break Sakura.

Kakashi flipped the pages of his book, Sasuke honed his kunai till they were sharp enough to make one bleed by just barely touching the blade, and Naruto muttered little obscenities about a Pervy Sage.

Sakura turned her attention to Sasuke. Her eyes followed the way Sasuke sharpened his weapons; she memorized every detail, the way he brought the kunai down on the whetstone, the way his hands moved with such precision. She could only ever watch.

Sasuke was a boy of great talent; he wasn't quite a prodigy, but he was enough. Sakura had always been fascinated by him, though her curiosity later turned to infatuation, it was an embarrassing time, and she would never forgive herself for the way she acted, but now... she doesn't know what to feel about him. He couldn't care less about her and that was fine. He is an experiment, a thing to observe but she will never feel anything more for a cold bastard like him.

Sakura thought back to the chunin exams two months ago. Everything that had happened between him, and her made Sakura realize that her infatuation her so called "love" was misplaced. The way he disregarded her as a teammate, the way he saw her as nothing more than an inconvenience. Sakura realized she could never care for someone who never learned to care himself. His mark was something she did care for; its power was fascinating; the endless possibilities made her feel giddy. Sakura was a lady of science after all.

'I wonder what path you'll end up taking, Sasuke.' It was a question Sakura already knew the answer to. She knew that path that he would take, it was obvious, and if she was being honest, she would do the same if she was in his position.

Her eyes moved on past Sasuke and to a snoozing Naruto. He was an anomaly, an inconsistency. He was hated by most and liked by few. He put up a front, Naruto acted like a happy go lucky kid, but Sakura saw through his mask. His facade had many flaws and inconsistencies, but it was enough to fly right over the heads of their classmates. Naruto was lonely, afraid, and insecure.

But those things never seemed to stop him. Naruto always stood above the challenges thrown at him. He never gave up, he never let someone walk over his beliefs. He was better than she'd ever be. Naruto was going to be something great. And in doing so, he would leave her behind.

She shifted her gaze so she could observe Kakashi. There were a few things she could say she truly knew about him, but the rest would be speculation. Everything else around him was always shrouded in mystery. Sakura had so many questions, and theories.

Such as, who and where did he get his sharingan from? Why was he always late? Because Sakura could see right through those sad, sorry little things he called excuses. Another thing she noticed was how his only visible eye was always rimmed with red, it was near impossible to notice, if one was not as observant as Sakura, they would completely miss it, but it was there. It was always there.

Sakura sat in the tree staring at Kakashi for a bit longer before finally returning her gaze towards her book. She sat in that tree until dawn. Just listening. 

~*~

Daffodils, in the language of flowers, can sometimes symbolize loneliness.

But anyway, how'd you like this? Because I think I have the next few chapters drafted just not finalized yet.