As Long As It's Me

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HERO

It's been a hell of a few days. I don't know whether it's just me and I really hope it isn't but I'm struggling to keep up with this living-by-instruction malarkey. It's the polar opposite of how I live my life. So, I'd like to think I'm not the only one feeling out of sorts because of it.

The night out was... eventful. For all the right reasons in my eyes. I really feel like I'm making headway with Jo. And not in the fake relationship spectrum space either. We danced and teased each other to shit. If it were a real night out, a date between the two of us then I would have definitely been taking her back to my place. Providing that's what she wanted, of course. I didn't want to share her. I meant what I said before she reciprocated my teasing. I didn't. I wanted her all to myself. I battled internally with self-control before whisking her back to our room. The latter obviously won eventually. But that didn't stop the fun we had.

Everything is just too damn easy with her. Everything has a perfect ebb and flow. And I'm starting to think that she feels it too. Neither of us questions this and I'm not about to make a habit of starting either. I don't want to. I want everything to be natural with Jo and so far, it has been.

It goes without saying that the early morning elimination was a surprise. I was quite content curled around her. She doesn't need to know I was fully awake and purposefully staying curled around her. Basking in her. We fit together perfectly. She slotted in front of me just right, our legs a tangled mess under the covers. That fucking alarm ended what I had no intention of ending. It sounds like an air raid siren, it went on for so long before the announcement followed I started to wonder if there was something actually wrong here. Like someone had started a fire. God fucking knows. What I do know is, I had no intention of moving from her.

I've no idea what caused the other couples to vote for Melissa and Jack. Seemingly only Jo and I voted for another couple. But her reaction worried me. I didn't expect her to be so panicked by an elimination. Granted we didn't know it was coming but she knew this was part and parcel of the show. I knew I had to comfort her, and calm her down. Not only because I was worried about her but she'd give us away to the others if they saw how panicked she was. Everyone is being so eagle-eyed. 

What made comforting her easier was her letting me do exactly that. As I've said, she didn't question me or stop me. She just let me. Just like she allows me to be playful with her and spoon her while we sleep soundly. I'm lucky she lets me do a lot of the things we do.

It goes without saying that I'm well aware we're acting as a couple during times we don't need to. However given our night out, the dancing and what happened in our room while the others thought we were probably getting lost in one another's bodies - which sounds heavenly - just serve as proof of us going above and beyond in our act. If we can even call it that now. Because I'm not acting. The only thing I'm acting on is instinct. Everything comes so naturally with her. I never have to question myself. Never. And neither does she. Making this all the better.

After the elimination, as I suggested we primarily holed up in our room together. The other couples did exactly that too, the surprise ricocheting through the entire house. We curled up on the bed and lounged and talked the day away together in front of the TV. There are only a few channels but movies playing in the background were enough for us to pass the day away. For me, there's nothing better than holding her and making sure she's okay. That's all I want in all of this now, to make sure she's okay with everything we're doing. She's my main priority. A starkly different mindset to how I entered this show.

Slowly, my eyes come into focus and my nostrils are filled with a calming, familiar scent in front of me. Jo. Like the night before, she asked if we could spoon again which I certainly wasn't going to say no to. My body makes an effort to wake up before her so I can have these few stolen moments of just watching her. I always thought it'd be a bit creepy to watch someone sleep. But seeing as it's who is asleep, I can see the appeal.

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