Shadows of the Past

Three

As I lay on my back in bed, on top of the comforter with my hands folded across my stomach and my eyes on the ceiling above me, I thought over that entire conversation. It repeated, in a cycle, through one ear and out the other.

But it just seemed to bring more doubts. More fears. More dread.

Whether my mate was a random pack member, elevated to alpha through me, or he was alpha and I had to join his pack, the result was the same: I would be luna. Not alpha.

The Information Volumes we read as pups claimed the alpha and luna of any pack were equals. One did not outrank the other, for they were partners who lead the pack together.

That was a lie.

I grew up watching my parents, studying them in preparation for how I would lead my pack. And it taught me things that contradicted what the royals wrote.

Mom and Dad did not act as equals. Dad ran the pack. Mom stayed behind the scenes. To me, it didn't seem like the luna did much. I was sure, given the chance, that Mom would have a voice if she wanted to. And often I had seen Dad offer Mom to speak her opinion on a matter, but she usually refused and stayed silent.

To me, that was how a luna was supposed to be. A supporter while the strong alpha ran the pack at the front.

I didn't want to just be luna. I was raised to be alpha, so that was where I was going to stay.

*__*__*__*

The weekend was a whirlwind of more tears and heavy goodbyes. Sunday afternoon, I helped Skylar carry boxes of her things down to Eva's car.

"I can't believe you're not finishing your senior year out. You only have two months left!"

She didn't seem to be listening very closely. "I can't believe he didn't come with Eva to help out and bring me home." She looks me in the eye, "When I tell you he's gonna feel my wrath. . ."

I chuckled and shook my head at her, placing the box into the trunk and trying to ignore the hurt I felt when she referred to her new pack as "home" so casually. As if she had lived there all her life already.

She added her box on top of mine. Then we went back for the suitcases, passing Eva on the stairs carrying a crate of Sky's childhood trinkets.

"Have you been secretly packing your room up for a year?" I joked when we reached the last step. "You have way too much stuff for it to have only taken you three days."

She laughed, stepping into her room and grabbing a bag. I did the same. "Sort of, actually. When I discovered him, I came home and started putting things away I wouldn't need for a while. I tried to prepare a little, even though at the time I had no idea how long it would take to actually move."

I nodded with my lips pressed together. I couldn't bring myself to respond to that, and I let the weight of the suitcase and the number of steps out to the car justify my silence. To be fair, I was out of breath by the time I hoisted the luggage onto the backseat of the vehicle.

Besides, I didn't want to bring her mood down with more of my doubt about mates. She was so excited to be with him, I couldn't be a bad friend about it.

Too soon—even though it took several more trips to fill the car—we had to say goodbye. Most of the pack was gathered around in the front yard, but they stayed separate from our families. Sky said a generalized goodbye to the pack, hugging a few particular people that she was close with, before she shuffled her way to us.

She embraced her siblings first, and I watched their little group huddle. Logan was taller now, taller than I had realized, and he wrapped his arms around his sister's head, temporarily taming her coiled, voluminous hair. Aiden hugged her from the side, his left arm squished between his siblings' torsos and resting on Maylie's head. Maylie only giggled from between Logan and Sky.