Unity

Chapter 41

I knew I couldn't allow my grief to engulf me, but I needed a few minutes in private to compose myself. I fled to the privacy of my quarters, and I was so focused on getting there, that I didn't realize that Shahae was right on my heels. I walked into my office and began pacing. Anger and pain dominated my emotions as I blamed myself for letting them take such an unnecessary risk. I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I spun around. I saw Shahae standing in front of me with a concerned look on her face. "Zack..." she started to say but I cut her off.

"Don't you dare tell me this wasn't my fault," I seethed. "I was the one that gave the order to undock. I should have been there when they faced down the Zrynt. I should have done more." At this point I was sobbing and near collapse. Shahae simply pulled me into her arms. We stood there for several minutes, before she gently pushed me back and slapped me. The pain and shock of being slapped quickly brought me out of my self-loathing. "Why is it that everyone always feels the need to slap me?" I yelled angrily.

"Are you done yet?" she asked. "You have a whole ship of people here who depend on you. Your bridge crew just watched as you deserted them when things got tough. Regardless of whether or not you caused this disaster, you cannot run away from the consequences. I've lost more friends and family to the Zrynt than you can imagine, and if you want to honor their memory, you will stand and fight. Don't let them destroy your spirit. There is time for grieving, but that time will have to wait until the Zrynt are gone." She paused and then whispered quietly, "I care for you too much to stand by and watch you destroy yourself."

Her words had their intended impact. I closed my eyes and took several cleansing deep breaths. I opened my eyes and saw Shahae had moved closer and was staring into my eyes. I couldn't help being entranced by the pure white irises that stared back at me. My hands seemed to move on their own accord. My hands settled on her waist. The adrenaline coursing through my body seemed to enhance my senses and I could feel the soft silkiness of her uniform. My heart began to pound in my ears as time slowed. For a brief moment in time, there were only the two of us. I pulled her close, and as our faces drew close, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and placed her head on my shoulder. I immediately felt the embarrassment that accompanies rejection. My face was flushed, and I felt foolish. I was just about to break the embrace when I heard her whisper, "I have dedicated my life to preserving my people. Once we are safe, then we can nurture our relationship, but until that time we need to stay focused. No matter what happens, do not lose hope for a brighter future." She turned and stepped out of the room.

I walked into my bathroom and stared in the mirror. I had aged since I left home over a year ago. I had lost the boyish look that once dominated my face. I looked lean and rugged, or so I thought. I splashed cold water on my face and felt refreshed. Shahae's comment before she left was bittersweet. My feelings for her had surprised me. I still felt foolish for my failed attempt at kissing her, but the fact that she desired it too had buoyed my spirits. I could find no better motivation to eradicate the Zrynt. I took a moment to pay silent respect for the crew of the phoenix, then steeled my nerves and headed to the bridge. The loss of the Phoenix was still painful, but I bottled the pain and hid it behind my "Captain mask".

I walked onto the bridge and headed straight for my seat. I quickly checked over the status of the ship, and then went into action. We were going home, and I couldn't help but notice the look of relief on many of the faces on the bridge as I assumed control with an air of confidence. We prepared for our second to last jump to the outer edge of the Kuiper belt. I wasn't about to rush back home without being able to convince the Council that we were who we said we were. It would also allow us to check for the presence of the Zrynt. Once we were confident, we would jump to the dark side of the moon. The sensor station there was still dark and hadn't been active for a very long time. Once we had assessed Earth's situation, we would contact the Council and wait for orders from them. The engineers wanted to check the jump drives one more time. Combined with charging the jump drives, this left me with about fifteen minutes of downtime.