At The Heart Of The Sea

Introduction Letter

I am an optimistic woman who has anxiety, depression and a borderline line syndrome. I hate to victimize myself, so if I do it, I'm sorry as it's unconsciously. I am weird. I laugh at the most ridiculous thing for hours, my trigger is the word "pudding", yes I am that simple. I am a professional overthinker. I fake smiles a lot and cry in silence every night. I have a temper but I also have a lot (shit tons) of patience, people tend to not believe me when I say I can really get upset. I have a really big heart and I love too hard. I don't know where the line of passsion and indifference reside. I am a curvy woman that weirdly feels truly sexy and confident when naked but insecure in a dress at a party. I sincerely say "sorry", "I don't want to bother you", "nevermind", "sorry I messaged you" because I truly feel I'm bothering you, not as a manipulative weapon. I was raised to be extremely prudent when it came to manners and how to conduct myself with others. I live in this day and night filter where I can appreciate the beauty that surrounds me but loathing myself for just being me. If I do something, I do it with all the fire in my being, as passion is my only language. I am also tired of restraining myself and not being fully who I want to be. I jump, I am an adrenaline addict and take the jump without balancing the risks because life is happening outside your comfort zone. I have always loved, and I secretly wish I could be loved back with intensity and true respect of who I am. I don't shower every day, getting out of bed may be my greatest accomplishment of one day and I am proud of myself. I am also always in pain, I am always feeling emotions like a ball of energy in my chest, changing every time but it never rests. Maybe that's why I love to sleep so much, I disappear into a fantasy land of my own creation. I have my demons, and I love them, they are a precious part of me that make me who I am and we both are at peace with that. I love dancing and singing, even in the shower where I perform as if it was the Madison Square Garden itself, leaving my everything on the stage. I don't believe in god or any religion, buddhism is the closest thing I feel kind of connected too. I do believe in the universal energy and the deep connection nature brings to us. I am a little crazy and I love it. I love re watching my comfort tv shows because they feel like a cozy place to rest and feel hugged. I don't say it enough but I need to be hugged, a true hug that can make me feel safe and cared for once, as I have been looking out for myself for a long time. I know love exists when I met my dog, there is unconditional and true love in that bond. I love spoiling my dog btw. I am an ocean: free, wild, curious and adventurous. I am connected to the moon as she has taught me so much. I will take care of you the best way I can and I will surprise you with little or big details anytime I can. I have a hunger for learning and traveling, a sagittarius treat. I love getting lost when I travel as I get found inside me. I have blue days like everyone else and my comfort pjs are the best. I love weird cartoons shows and I'm proud of being a fan of them. I love my webtoons and I can talk and talk about them. I am a book nerd and a big romantic, but I try to keep that last part only to myself. I have been broken, my heart ripped out and being stepped on crushing it against the floor. I am a warrior, we all are. I am a story worth reading. I cry but always will see my head standing tall, as I don't give up easily. I arrived to this world alone and that's the way I'm going to leave it.