For You, For Me

Chapter 2

I was supposed to write a speech, but I didn't.

So there I sit, in a folding chair in the cemetery, watching people go up to the front and talk about him. There are so many tears, so many tissues, so many abrupt pauses as people try to get themselves under control so they can keep talking about him.

I sit there, watching, listening.

"Maddox was one of the most selfless people I've ever met."

"Maddox protected me from bullies in middle school."

"Maddox taught me how to swim at summer camp."

"Maddox carried me on his back all the way home when I broke my leg on a hike."

Everyone, it seems, has a story to tell about him. How he swooped in and saved the day. Typical Maddox. To them, he was a hero, a saint.

To me, he was my best friend. My boyfriend.

The minister stands up after everyone has given their speech. He places a hand on the closed coffin, blessing it, and ends the ceremony with a prayer. From next to me, Maddox's mom reaches over and rests her hand on mine, squeezing it. I can't find it in me to squeeze back.

* * * * *

After the ceremony, everyone streams out slowly, giving their condolences to Maddox's family, who stand at the exit. His mom, his dad, his younger brother, Skyler. All dressed in black, all looking like one joint unit of quiet strength.

I stay in my seat and stare at the black-and-white portrait of Maddox taken a couple months ago at the beach, resting on an easel at the front by the closed coffin. He's wearing his signature smile––big and bright and slightly crooked on the right side. Even in the photo, his eyes glimmer with warmth. Warmth that I felt every single time he looked at me, whether it was up-close or far away. Warmth I'd known since I was a kid. Warmth I would never feel again.

"Hey, nugget." A hand flutters gently over my shoulder. I look up, and there is Dad, Bo standing awkwardly behind him. They're both dressed in suits, even though it's a warm summer morning, so they can pay their respects properly. "Are you ready to go home?"

I look back at the portrait, shake my head. "You guys go. I'm gonna stay a little longer."

Dad nods sadly. "See you at home." He plants a kiss on my head and walks away.

Bo even comes and gives my shoulder an awkward squeeze. "I'm sorry," he says simply, then follows after Dad, waiting in line to talk to the Sinclairs.

Workers start to fold up the chairs, propping them onto carts they can wheel away. Someone takes down the easel and leans the portrait up against a tree. A cemetery worker comes to lower the coffin into the ground.

I want to stop him. Say some last words to Maddox. Cry fat, sad tears. Do something hysterical.

Instead, I say nothing and watch the coffin sink lower and lower until someone comes to take my chair away.

* * * * *

Maddox's family is gone. I followed them to the parking lot, where each of them hugged me tearfully, thanking me for coming, telling me they're sorry, that I'm always welcome at their house. I'd nodded and smiled the best I could and went to sit in my car until the lot emptied out.

Now I'm alone and walking back to his plot.

At least, I thought I was alone. When I get there, there's someone in a suit on his knees at the foot of the freshly turned mound of dirt, staring at Maddox's headstone. I freeze. It can't be him. He wouldn't dare.

I walk faster, and yes, I confirm it. His arm is in a cast.

"Hey!" I say, walking even faster.

The guy turns around, startled. His eyes widen. "Paige!" He scrambles to stand up.

"What are you doing here?"

"I––I wanted to come pay my respects." He stares at the ground. "I probably don't deserve to, but..." His voice trails off, and he looks at me, waiting.

"Leave," I tell him.

"Paige, please––"

"I said, leave, Owen."

He stops arguing and nods slowly. "I'll leave."

I go and rearrange the flowers that have been laid on top of the grave.

"For what it's worth," Owen says, turning around, "I'm sorry. It should've been me, not him."

Yeah, it should've, I want to tell him. No one would've missed you.

Instead, I look away, ignoring him, and continue rearranging the flowers.

Owen walks off, looking as broken as his arm.

As soon as I lose sight of him, I crumple to the ground and lean against the headstone, letting it warm the side of my face. My hand wanders up the front of it, feeling the engraving. I don't have to look at it to know what it says; I have it memorized.

MADDOX MONTGOMERY SINCLAIR

BELOVED SON, BROTHER & FRIEND

MAY YOU NOW LIVE FOREVER

A forever without me. 

* * * * * 

Author's Note: If this develops a following of regular readers, I plan to upload a chapter a week. If you want to stick around (<3), let me know what day of the week I should post!