Our FIRST Journey

FIRST is for Inclusion: Maithili Kumar - Section 3

Let me tell you a story. Originally, when I joined the team I wanted to learn more about mechanical engineering and robotics since it was new to me. But I assumed I would eventually do code since that was what I had experience with and I was *most likely* going to study CS in college. By the end of freshman year, it was announced that I would be doing code along with Aryan and Rahul. I was still not the most comfortable on the team so I nodded stoically, but was secretly pleased. Eventually, Aryan began to code while I mainly stayed in the garage and watched the mechanical subteam work, silently trying to learn what was going on. And then, there was a day that confirmed the death of my CS career.

I was sitting on the pelican case when Aryan asked Rahul to grab his laptop so they could start coding. I locked eyes with Aryan. My inner voice urged me to open my mouth, to just say four words, "Can I help too?" But no, I broke eye contact and an unspoken agreement passed between me and Aryan. That was the day I gave up on coding for the team. Not because I didn't want to do it, but because I was too afraid to ask.

Eventually, my dad began questioning why I wasn't doing code for the team. After all, he assumed that was what I wanted to do, and at the time, it was what I wanted to do. I dodged the question until finally, I had to come clean. I simply told him that I didn't think it would happen. That day, I got the lecturing of the century. The thing is, I don't blame my dad. He was completely right. I wanted to do code and I didn't speak up for myself. Doing code versus not doing code would have a huge impact on the experiences I gained on the team, how I applied for other opportunities, and eventually, how I applied for college. The tears I had been holding back for so long came flooding out and I cried in the backseat of the car, hearing not only my dad's disappointment but also the disappointment I had in myself. Why couldn't I have just spoken up?

There's a LOT I learned from this experience. For one, it's SO important to speak up for yourself when you have to. You are in charge of your own learning, and while you can get help, the responsibility is ultimately on your shoulders. Yes, it will be hard to learn how to speak up if you aren't used to it. Yes, it will require putting yourself out there and taking a risk. But at the end of the day, you shouldn't let opportunities pass you by and fill yourself with regret. On a more positive note, this experience taught me that almost everything has a silver lining. I didn't end up coding for the team. But because of that, I became more involved in the mechanical aspect. And slowly, but surely, I grew to love the mechanical aspect of robotics, way more than I have ever loved coding. And now, here I am, writing this as a Mechanical Engineering major :D