Hello, Goodbye

Chapter 4

Lynx

I enter Tao's room and i see him getting ready. He was trying to tie his shoe lace, but it looked like his fingers didn't quite listen to him. I walked up to him and kneeled down to tie them for him. I looked up to see his face, he was already looking at me. Those eyes of his, oh dear, they never fail to amaze me.
"Hello." Tao cracked a smile.
"Hi." I reply and set my gaze on his shoe laces again. I tied them and stood up, his gaze followed me. I took a better look at his face, this gorgeous face of his that i can't seem to get enough of. His clothes were thin. He would catch a cold if he left like this. I pulled his coat off of him.
"What are you doing?" Tao asked, letting the curiosity get the better of him as he followed my hands with his eyes.
"You're gonna catch a cold." I said as i put down my coat and took my sweater off, revealing my black turtleneck i wore underneath.
"Oh please, don't do that. I don't want you to be sick-" he fliched away from me. "-Please!" He chuckled at me trying to put my sweater on him.
"I am not letting you to get worse than you already had. Please, take it. My coat is thick, i was too hot anyways." I say, stopping and trying to convince him with my eyes rather than my words. He stops and thinks, for a second, the room is quiet.
"Okay. But you will tell me if you're gonna be cold, alright?" Tao said, finally agreeing.
I put the sweater on him and then i helped him put on his coat. I still don't think hes ready to go outside of the hospital. Just yesterday he could barely even walk. I helped him stand up and hand in hand we walked out of the room. I could feel he was trying not to rely on my hold too much, but i could also see that his body didn't allow him to do what he wants. When we walked out of the hospital, i could feel him shake, from cold. I looked at his face. From the side, he was even more handsome. He was smiling. An honest and open smile. His eyes closed. He was breathing the winter air as if he didn't feel the cold, as if it was always spring. He didn't let go of my hand, and i was grateful. I stopped a cab.

I paid the driver a few dollars and we quickly got out of the car. Tao on the other side, the fast movement almost made him loose balance. Just how serious is this sickness of his? I walked up to him and took his hand, he looked at me surprised and then smiled. His smile made me feel warm inside, no matter that i was basically freezing. His smile was enough to stop the freezing. The ice ring was almost empty, not a lot of people come here in the morning. I bought two entry tickets and two ice skates. We sat down and started putting them on.
"Tao." I said while putting on my left skate.
"Yes?" He stopped and looked at me.
"I lied." i shared his glance. "I can't actually ice skate."
"Well, guess were even. I lied too. I can ice skate." He said and we both laughed.
He helped me to get on the ice. He was far more balanced and concentrated here than on solid ground. I squeezed his hand, but i had no fear. I knew he won't let me fall. With him, i felt no fear or worry in the world. I wish i could explain why. His nose and cheeks  were red from the cold and eyes watery from the blizzard outside. Yet, his face had not changed at all. It was still tired, but also so full of life. I wonder how was his life before getting his diagnosis. And his family. What kind of people were they? As we were skating, Tao has not let go of me once and always catched me when i was about to fall. He stopped a few times, not only to catch his breath but because i stopped, and without me, he didn't move an inch.
"You used to ask me why i am in the hospital." Tao started and i looked at him, confused.
"Yes. But you already told me. You are sick and in a need of medical help." I replied, confused on what hes implying.
"Indeed. But i wasn't only there because of that." He stopped and took a breath. "I tried to commit not so long ago."
My heart froze. Skipped a few beats. I wasn't going to ask why. I wasn't going to say that it was selfish.
"Why?" I manage to say.
"I don't like living-no,  i don't like surviving like this. Always getting worse and worse, knowing theres no cure and just quietly waiting for my time to come. I can never know when it's gonna come. And the fact that i can choose when.. It calms me down."
I have never felt such numbness and emptiness in my chest like i do now. I just wish i could show him living. Life. I wish i could take him to different countries and bars and parties and restaurants. Why must have i meet him so late?
"That makes sense. You can't know what's after death, tough. You know, you can get reborn into a healthy body." I looked away from his face.
"If i do get reborn in a healthy body, i hope i will get a chance to meet you again." Tao says as he stops and we slowly slide on the ice, our faces as close as water and earth. I could feel his breath on my lips. I could feel the love from his eyes. I know this guy. I do. From where? I don't know. I just know him. I pull closer to him and he closer to me, our lips finally touching one another. Our souls finally connecting again.