Forgotten Memories

Chapter 5

The days seem to blur together. The first two weeks of the semester are always like that though. Ava falls into her normal routine: work, therapy, friends - if she feels up for it, hardly any sleep at all, repeat. The only good thing is that any dreams she's been having recently have fallen back into their usual pattern of her not remembering them, which she is fine with. The less she remembers, the less she has to deal with during her weekly session.

She's staring at the clock on her desk, willing the time to go faster so she can go home. She just wants to go home and crawl into bed to watch bad TV for the entire weekend. A knock sounds on her door and she reluctantly pulls her tired eyes away from the clock to the young girl standing in her doorway. Her face is pale and by the way her eyes keep darting around like something is about to grab her, Ava can tell she is terrified. Most likely a freshman.

"Come on in," Ava calls forcing a small smile onto her face as she leans forward, her elbows resting on the cool surface of the desk. The girl slowly walks to one of the chairs in front of the desk. "What's your name and what can I help you with today?"

"My name is Daisy. I was told I needed to come in here to discuss my classes," she whispers, her voice wavering slightly as she lowers her eyes. Ava's brows pull together in worry as she watches the girl's fidgeting hands. "I... I'm uh..." she trails off as she finally lifts her eyes to Ava's.

"Sweetheart, is everything okay?" Ava asks as she leans farther against her elbows. "I've seen a lot of students come into my office that looked scared for the future, but if I can be honest, you look terrified to even be sitting here with me."

The girl's eyes drop again but not before she can see the tears welling up there. She is terrified. Ava's gut clenches slightly at the sight. She is used to handling dramatic breakdowns but those do not usually happen until the student is at least a junior or senior. To see a younger student in her office two weeks into the fall semester is both surprising and extremely worrying. Ava inhales softly as she does her best to smile at the girl so she'll relax.

"I just have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing here" the girl whispers as she quickly lifts a hand to wipe away the tear that slipped down her cheek.

"Okay," Ava says as she nods in understanding. "I can help you with that. I'm assuming you don't mean you don't know what you're supposed to be doing in this office with me, correct?" The girl nods slightly as she tries to force a smile on her lips. "Okay," Ava chuckles softly, "what is it exactly you don't know what to do?"

"I just," she sighs and shakes her head. "I was reluctant about coming to school in the first place. I excelled in high school, I graduated Valedictorian of my class actually, but while everyone was so excited to see my next move when I came to college, I wanted to take a gap year."

Okay.

That one is pretty new. Ava has heard thousands of stories but never before has she listened to a student who graduated first in their class not be excited about college. Those are usually the ones that have their entire life planned out. Ava sits back suddenly in her chair and nods her head as she pieces it together.

"Why didn't you take that gap year then?" she asks, giving the girl time to explain.

"Because everyone was just pushing and pushing for me to go. They all said these years are the best of a person's life, and that putting it off would be a mistake. So I applied and when I got in I just went with it." She throws her hands in the air as she looks around the office.

"Okay, well, I'm not technically qualified to give you much advice on things like this, but I would like to tell you that this needs to be something you want to do. I've seen many students come into my office unsure of what to do with themselves because they came to college because it was what their parents thought was the best. Those students are usually the ones that do not make it to graduation," Ava explains. That's probably the hardest part of her job. Spending hours with students just to watch them drop out. That's not what she wants for this girl. She's young and obviously bright. She can have a real future ahead of her, she just needs to figure out if this is where she wants to achieve it.