tw: mention of SA, ED
i havent been writting for a long time now and i feel i should write down my toughts. u should do it too, its helps a lot.
my grades dropped a lot. even tho my parents are saying that they arent mad, i cant help but feel they are dissapointed in me really much.
ive opened up to my therapist about my SA and the possible eating disorder. it felt so uncomfortable. mostly bc in the past few weeks the whole SA thing jusr cant leave my head and i experience that night physically again and again, i can feel his touch.
i became a little more agressive in the past few months and i feel guilty. and a lot of things are starting to bother/ bother me even more than usual.
sometimes i hate my mom but then i feel shit cuz it looks like she is trying to change but then BUMMM everything is the same and she is screaming at me for being on my phone, talking w my friends, having messy room and even more.
but its easier to deal with these things bc i made a friend in sept and she is literally the best. sometimes i thinkim in love with her, than i realise that it might be just platonic love.
but what is love? i dont knoe. i need someone to describe it for me. how do i realise im in REALLY LOVE? what if i will never experience love? what if noone find me that pretty, cute, hot, smart, funny to love me? i dont think im love-able. all my friends are getting the compliments from everyone everyday in front of my eyes. ive never got any from them. but even if i get i think its fake. why should i belive them?
ive been thinking about writti g a story but i dont even know how to do that.
Anyway, have a great life reader, and stay strong, i love you<33
YOU ARE READING
Night toughts
PoetrySometimes i feel that others have to know how do i feel when im alone, and maybe someone who reads this realises that they are not alone and its OK to be not OK. Thats why i start this book!! WARNING: it might have some triggering parts
