Neglected Limits

26| Sexist meeting

Bianca

I lay in my bed, my hair tangled in a quick bun, and my feet sore from yesterday. The physical pain was so constant for so many hours, that I couldn't tell if it was from yesterday's events or the sabotaged heels.

I hadn't gone out of my room. Not after my 3 o'clock snack. I could hear the rain pouring outside, loud enough for me to drown my thoughts. Thoughts of Matteo, thoughts of realizing I had been unfaithful, disloyal to my sister. 

I turned around on my bed, the cold side of the pillow cooling my warm cheek. I shouldn't have gotten so close to Matteo. I should keep my distance.

It was like he lit this fire in me, a fire that's always been there, a fire that's been suffocated for so long by the ways of our life. A fire that's dangerous for both me and him. He could just look at me, and I'd be on my last nerve, ready to snap anyone's neck or put a knife through them.

I don't know if he can feel the impact he has on me, on my actions. I hope not. Because it would mean he knows he could control me.

I sat up in my bed, taking the covers off me. 

What the fuck was I saying?

No one controlled me. Hell that was the reason Gabriella was in my place getting married to Matteo!

I am an independent, hella smart woman, who could kill a man before he took his next breath. I am not controlled by anyone.

I took in a deep breath, and massaged my temples, before pulling my hair out of it's bun, and letting my hair fall on one of my shoulders.

But what I had been doing was dangerous. Playing around with my sister's fiancé was dangerous. Hell, it made mama right. She always says I can be selfish, at least more than Gabriella. But even I wasn't cruel enough to stab my own sister's in the back. especially when I love her more than anything, not that I loved anything else in this world.

Suddenly a knock came at the door, and I turned my head towards it, alarmed. "Can I come in?" I heard Claire's gentle voice. Relaxing back into my former posture I replied. She entered quietly and gave me smile, walking towards my bed.

"How are you?" I asked calmly, knowing she must have been freaking out yesterday. I hadn't been able to see her last night, but I knew Diego would have made sure her, Mama, and Gabriella were safe before anyone.

She rolled her eyes. "Perfectly fine, Diego put me in the safe room all night, and he only let me out when everything ended."

I couldn't help but laugh at the sass. "He wanted you to stay safe."

"Of course he did." She mumbled quietly. "But I could have helped. I'm good with the tech stuff, plus I could have helped in at least making sure the kids and mothers went home safely."

I considered her. One thing I loved about Claire was that she was as over this toxic masculinity bullshit in our famiglia as I was. Unlike most women, Claire didn't fear seeing blood or hearing screams, she thirst to help out in anyway, even when Diego forced her to stay away from chaos and securely alive. 

"You're right, I'll try talking to Diego." Her eyes instantly lit up at my words. "But... let's only keep our hopes up for a bit of training every week." And that spark faded. "It's better than nothing." I added, making her nod.

She seemed to zone out for a second before shaking her thoughts away and looking at me. "Oh I almost forgot why I even came here." She said. I shrugged waiting. "Zio's asking for you to meet him and the Vensis in his office." My face fell.

"Tell him I'm busy." I said. I let myself fall back into the plush mattress.

"But Bianca, he's already pissed, you declining his order in front of the Vensi, while he's already in a weak position after last night... he will actually kill you." She whispered the last part.