The day we met - the day I cried - the day I died

I lost something I never had - I lost myself, but I'm glad

"I'll start. I'm Lisa, 18 years old, and I've lived on the streets my whole life."

Her hand stretched outwards, a smile on her lips as she waited for me to shake her hand. I was not smiling. She made me want to smile.

I stretched my right hand towards her, shaking it, "I'm Park Chaeyoung, also 18, and I just got kicked out of my house."

She shook it, holding my hand as she stretched her legs on the concrete floor.

"Why?"

"Just, you know, being gay and stuff."

I stretched mine next to hers, looking at the empty street.

Night truly looked fascinating, especially when you've got nothing – to eat, stay, treasure, you know?

But now I had Lisa, and she was a reason for me to stay right?

Right?

... right?

"Right when I call you, you decide to do this nonsense?!" She shouted loudly, her fists raised in the air.

I looked up at her from the bathroom tiles, shame was all I felt.

"We can't afford to go to the hospital, you know that!"

I bunched up into myself as I stared at the weared way tiles, some broken, some with bits missing. Half the bathroom didn't even have tiles, just concrete.

"I'm sorry," I muttered quietly.

The room felt dim, or perhaps was it me? I didn't know.

All I knew was that there was blood all over the shiny floor – the poor shiny floor, what had it done to deserve this – and all that blood was coming from me.

"We don't even have a first aid kit or bandages or something! Chae, you should know better than this! You can't just go around slitting your wrists open for fun!"

"But it isn't for fu–"

"I don't fucking care why you do it, just fucking don't!"

With that she left the bathroom, steps fading as she left me all alone; once again.

I pouted like the insolent child I was, hot tears running down my eyes as I wish I'd never done it.

But I had to!

They were burning, scratching with red, hot fever. Begging for me to do something, ANYTHING! Scratching wasn't enough. I needed to do more. Needed.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I'm sorry...

"I'm sorry..."

"I told you to fucking answer the phone when I call you, didn't I?!"

I nodded, my head held down as she looked at me with sharp eyes. I was busy working, I couldn't answer my phone.

"I'm sorry, babe," I softly said, looking at her with soft eyes.

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at me, examining my face before–

Slap.

I held my cheek as it ached... what?

What...

...

"What the fuck do you want from me?!" She yelled out loudly.

"I said I want you to fucking LEAVE, Lisa!" I yelled, agitated from all the screaming.

"You can't just make me LEAVE after everything I've done for you!"

"And what's that? HUH? Yelling at me? Bruising me? This is abuse, Lisa, and I'm fucking tired!"

"What do you do for you to be tired?! Sit around and cry all day?? Slit your fucking wrists open like the useless bitch you are??"

I stared at her in shock. Maybe... she was right.

Maybe...

... maybe–

Maybe this was the day I died.

I stared at my lifeless body on the same old, broken bathroom floor. Pills spilled in my right hand, wrists red and screaming on the left, the faucet open and running.

Lisa didn't come back after that fight, leaving me to survive alone.

Calling me only when she's high, or drunk, or both. I truly was the useless bitch she said I was. I hadn't even tried cutting contact with her.

My head hung at an awkward angle, almost disgusting.

It'd been exactly 18 hours and not a single soul was aware of this happening to me.

The world truly moved on...

As if I was a little pawn in the game of checkers, irrelevant and useless unless in control of others. Unless my path was cleared and protected for me.

As if I'm no human of my own.

I, Park Chaeyoung, died a lonely soul.