until i found you. [ chaesoo ]

11

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They do go downstairs and watch TV, and it’s a nice distraction from Rosé’s racing thoughts.

With Jisoo cuddled up to her side, Rosé can’t imagine anything else she’d want more. It doesn’t matter if this isn’t her Jisoo, Rosé would love any Jisoo.

Somewhere around midnight, Jisoo tilts Rosé’s face towards her, gives her a lingering kiss on the lips, says goodnight, and heads up to her room.

Rosé robotically turns off the TV, her eyes drifting back up to the picture of her and Jisoo on the mantle.

They look so happy. She’s never seen herself like that, and she knows she’s never felt like that with any man she’d ever been with, and that she never could. How could Rosé fall in love with any man when she could be with a woman? With Jisoo?

The thought freezes her in place. She’d never really considered it before, the ambivalence she felt when kissing or touching men. She felt more when Jisoo kissed her goodnight than she ever did with any of them.

She can’t imagine how it would’ve felt to be with her Jisoo. To kiss her, to touch her. She wants to believe that it would’ve felt that same as with this Jisoo, but it wouldn’t have. It would’ve been more, it would’ve been life changing, she thinks.

She looks away from the fireplace and starts upstairs, pausing in front of Jisoo’s room. The door is open a crack still, and Rosé can’t stop herself from peering inside. The room is dark, aside from a small lamp on Jisoo’s bedside table, and Jisoo is sitting cross legged on the bed, looking down at something, a picture.

Before Rosé can stop herself, she’s pushing inside, and Jisoo jerks her head up, the picture falling from her hand and onto the floor.

Rosé bends down and picks it up, Jisoo’s eyed following her the whole way. It’s a picture of Rosé, the other Rosé. She’s standing on a balcony, somewhere Rosé assumes would have a great view, maybe from their trip to France. She’s looking down at something, her face almost dreamy with awe. It’s a great picture of her. She looks at Jisoo.

Jisoo’s looking at her hands, almost guiltily. She probably feels like she’s cheating.

“I wish...” Rosé says, and her voice breaks. “I wish I had a picture of my Jisoo.”

Jisoo looks back up at her, her eyes teary.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, and she shakes her head. “It’s silly to look at that when you’re here.”

“No, it’s not,” Rosé tells her, sitting down next to her on the bed. “I’ll never be that Rosé. And you’ll never be that Jisoo.”

Jisoo lets out a bitter laugh at that, and it’s so similar to what her Jisoo used to do, that Rosé has to resist cringing.

“What’s the point then?” Jisoo snaps, and it hurts Rosé like a bullet.

“We don’t have a choice,” Rosé answers, and her voice sounds teary, even to herself. “They’re gone now and all we have left of them is each other. We just have to learn how to love like that again.”

Jisoo closes her eyes and tears fall. Rosé’s heart breaks, and she pulls Jisoo into a hug, a hand running along her back. She feels a tear fall down her own cheek before she steels herself.

“Can you stay?” Jisoo practically begs into Rosé’s shirt. “Please?”

Rosé nods before saying, “Yeah, sure.”

She lets go of Jisoo so she can crawl into the bed next to her and lie down. Jisoo immediately curls up into her side, and Rosé pulls her into her arms again.

“I love you,” Jisoo murmurs into Rosé’s shoulder. “I really do.”

“I know,” Rosé responds, leaning down to kiss Jisoo on the forehead. “I do, too.”

They both close their eyes. They’re both lying.

 
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