May 17, 2024
New York
Ji-pyeong was leaning back on his hands and looking at the ocean. The remnants of their picnic lay between them. Mi-rae turned her head towards the sparkling emerald water. A blue circle miraculously carved out of the sky was above her again. The colors were surreal. And yet there was a strange haze; as if a thin layer of gauze had been wrapped around her eyes.
Are we back there?
There was no boat bobbing in the lagoon.
Then how did we get here?
The sun was so bright. Yet there was no warmth on her skin. Her stomach dropped.
Oh. This is a dream.
She turned back to look at her husband. He was now looking at her. And smiling. The deepening dimples made her heart clench with longing.
I want to stay here. With him.
Ji-pyeong's dark hair was wet and pushed back from his face. They dreamed beautiful dreams here. They loved each other here. She wanted to lay her head on the smooth expanse of his bare chest. She wanted to lure him into the water so that she could have him.
I did that.
She did have him there. And right here on this blanket with the sand so soft and forgiving beneath her. If she kept dreaming she could be with him all over again. She tried to lean towards him. But Ji-pyeong remained oblivious to her lips as they grew closer.
"I'm going to start looking as soon as we get back. It can't have a prey drive in order to peacefully coexist..."
What?
Mi-rae shook her head in confusion.
"But we already have Young-shil. He ran to me and you said that he was the one."
Her words carried no sound. They scattered like sand on the wind. Mi-rae was trapped within a single frame of a ribbon of film. Ji-pyeong just kept talking.
"How many kids do you want to have?"
But he never said that. I brought up children.
Now the film frame was flipped over. The images were reversed.
Three. I want three. With your eyes. And your story.
But her lips would not move. Mi-rae wanted to tell him. She did tell him. And she needed to say it again. Because they had stopped talking about it. Why did they stop? Why would the words not come out when she had already said them in this very moment?
Ji-pyeong waited and waited for her answer. And then his face grew stricken. Lines carved cruelly across his forehead. His eyes were red and shining. And his beautiful mouth was twisting as he fought back tears.
"Mi-rae, I can't stand this. I can't stand being away from you all the time."
It was like hearing a song from underwater. Familiar but discordant.
He did not say that in this place. But he did say it.
Mi-rae's heart felt like it was going to shatter. She could not stand it either. She reached for his face.
"Oh my love. Then don't go. Stay with me. Nothing else matters."
I did not say that. Maybe I should have.
