Turning Thorns to Petals

CHAPTER 3

After everyone ate their toast they stayed at the table for a little while longer, chatting and teasing Glimmer for burning the eggs.

Bow and Glimmer decided they wanted to pay Sea Hawk and Mermista a visit up in Salinas. They usually play Poker, eat snacks, and talk about Mer-Mysteries. So, they dismissed themselves from the table to start heading over.

Catra and Adora agreed that they should go see Perfuma and Scorpia. Ever since the war has ended, Perfuma encourages everyone to come to her meditation groups. She says it helps with stress.

Catra isn't too sure about meditation. She doubts breathing and closing her eyes would fix anything. She sometimes even questions if she's too broken for anything to help her at all.

She's felt so bad for so long that she forgets what it's like to feel okay. But, Adora makes her feel safe. She knows that she's hurt Adora and anytime she thinks about it her stomach drops and her throat closes up. She feels like she's drowning, sinking to the bottom of the ocean, her face made of stone, so tense she cannot open her mouth to gasp for air. Guilt and regret feel like daggers. She hates feeling that way but she tells herself she deserves it for everything she has done. She owes it to Adora to at least try out Perfuma's guided meditation if that's what Adora wants.

So, they head out of the castle and walk to Plumeria.

Their walk to Plumeria was beautiful as always, and the temperature was just right.

"You made it!"
Perfuma greets them with a generous smile. It amazes Catra that Perfuma always seems to be this happy and welcoming.

Catra gets a small lump in her throat but quickly swallows it away. She feels ashamed whenever people are so welcoming to her. She believes she's the last person on Etheria to deserve forgiveness and a warm welcome.

"Catra! Hey!"
Scorpia walks up to stand beside Perfuma. She's so happy. She always finds something to be happy about. You can see the excitement on her face, it's so obvious that it's almost contagious.

Catra can't look her in the eyes. Scorpia is the happiest person she knows, she never gets upset by anything. But in times of rage, Catra could do damage to anyone, even someone as resilient as Scorpia. Catra feels her throat start to close up again.

How could Scorpia possibly forgive me? She must be lying about it. I don't deserve forgiveness. I don't want to be here anymore...

She feels a gentle squeeze in her left hand that snaps her out of her thoughts. She looks over to see that this whole time she'd been holding hands with Adora. Sometimes her thoughts are so strong that she forgets what's going on around her.

"Follow me."
Perfuma leads the way over to her meditation area. It's a cozy, flowery area outdoors. Perfuma sits down with her legs crossed then Scorpia sits next to her. Adora and Catra sit with their legs crossed, facing Scorpia and Perfuma forming a circle.

"Everyone close your eyes."

Perfuma begins the meditation. Her voice is soft and her calmness radiates off her, soothing those around her. Everyone closes their eyes, even Catra reluctantly does.

Perfuma started inhaling and exhaling loud enough for it to be an obvious invitation for the others to also take deep breaths.

"Focus on your breath."

Perfuma's voice was like a gentle breeze on a summer evening. So soft that it can be easily missed.

The silence makes Catra uncomfortable. Silence is never for a good reason. She's heard a lot of things in her life, like Shadow Weaver's frustration whenever her power trip didn't seem to work. She's heard Hordak's fits of rage whenever his portal experiments failed. She's heard words she never wanted to hear, by people she never wanted to hear them from. She's heard the loud booms of tanks during the war. But, it's never the sound of the explosion that gets to her. It's the aftermath. The silence after the eruption. It almost feels louder than the explosion itself because it's only when the noise stops, you realize the true disaster the noise has left you with.

"You can open your eyes now."

Perfuma's voice slightly startles Catra. But, Catra smiles, she's glad that the meditation is all over. It was nice to hear someone's, anyone's voice again after being left alone with only her thoughts. She wondered if Adora ever thought about the same things she did.

"Oh yeah! Adora, I wanna show you a trick that Perfuma and I taught Emily."
Scorpia stands up and smiles.

Adora glances at Catra before standing up.
"I'll come back so we can walk home together."
Adora smiled as she walked away with Scorpia, Catra watched them until they disappeared behind a big tree.

Catra looked over to see Perfuma still sitting across from her. Perfuma was so quiet that Catra momentarily forgot she was still there.

"How have you been, Catra?"

Perfuma asks it in a way that Catra has never heard before. Usually if somebody asks that question, their words are empty and they do not want a real answer. But, Perfuma asks it in a way that says she cares and that the real answer would be safe with her.

Catra takes a while to respond and Perfuma sits patiently with a nonjudgmental gaze.

"I don't know."

Catra finally manages to get some words out. She's having conflicting feelings, part of her feels like she should just tell Perfuma that she isn't happy at all. The other part of her wants to rip her own vocal cords out so she can never tell anyone how she's feeling.

"Catra."
Perfuma pauses then begins again once Catra meets her gaze.

"It makes sense."
Perfuma's voice was so even and calm.

"What does?"
Catra asks, worried that Pefuma can see her thoughts somehow.

"It makes sense for someone who's been through a lot to feel bad even when the bad things aren't happening anymore. But, I want you to know that it's okay to have those feelings. And remember, you are not what happened to you."

Catra's throat tingles and she can feel her eyes wanting to water up. She blinks in an effort to prevent any tears from falling. She tightens her fist and looks away from Perfuma, she doesn't want her to see her like this.

Perfuma can tell Catra's uncomfortable so she closes her eyes and begins to meditate again. She wishes Catra would allow herself to be vulnerable around her but she acknowledges that Catra isn't ready for that. Perfuma just wants her to feel safe so she doesn't ask Catra anything else.

"Ready to go?"
Adora asks as she walks towards Catra. Adora and Catra thank Perfuma for her meditation group, and they say their goodbyes before their walk back to Brightmoon.