Paintball Cowboys

Moo-Rah

On the Origin of Paintball Warfare - Part 1

Motch O. Mann and his native companion, Randy the Savage sit on horses, unaware of their impending doom. As they approach the supposedly barren land they were meant to protect, a dusty storm rages

Motch O. Mann: Savage!

Randy: Dude, my name is Randy

Motch O. Mann: Randy Savage!

Randy: Wh- huh, nevermind. What?

Motch O. Mann: A sandstorm approaches

Randy: Dude I have eyes, I can see the earth sneezing shit at us

Motch O. Mann: Be sensitive, Savage! Some people are blind

Randy: There's no one here you idiot!

Motch O. Mann: Randy! Respect your betters.

Randy: Better my ass(emphasized)

Motch O. Mann: Batter your wh- Randy I don't swing that way, the only cock I want to indulge is in my Smith and Wesson right here

Randy: better

Motch O. Mann: Damn right I'm better, now keep your kinky ass away from my baking supplies Randy.

Randy: God you're an idiot. What are we going to do chief? Shoot at it?

Motch O. Mann: Obviously not, we reserve that kind of power for hurricanes. No no, this will require a more calculated solution.

Randy: Running away?

Motch O. Mann: Precisely

The two then turn their horses around and run from the storm across a dusty road.

Randy: Your horse is running kinda funny Motch!

Motch: It simply has character my dear Savage!

Randy: Asshole!

Motch: I will not fall in love with your derriere no matter how loudly you praise it Randy!

Randy: Jackass! Look!

He says, pointing forward.

Motch: You've even given it a name, I fear you are too far gone my dear Savage.

Randy: Dude just look forward

Motch turns and they both stop. Cows are collected, a thousand or more behind a prominent bull. The bull takes a few steps forward and lets out a vaguely threatening moo. The two men tremble in a miniscule amount of consternation.

Motch: What does two mean?

Randy: Shut the hell up and address the issue facing you.

Motch: Get back in your pen guys, like right now.

Randy: Real commanding boss

The bull moos in response, a subtle but powerful message. The other cattle respond well to this and surge forward. The men turn back and ride fast on their horses, escaping the stampede. They rush back along the same road.

Randy: Wait... isn't this the direction of the dust storm?

Motch: Indeed Savage, but it's behooves us to not be killed by the creatures we swore to protect.

Randy: Nice pun Mann.

Motch: Thanks Randy, now ride!

Soon enough they find a rather isolated and, frankly, chronically depressed log cabin. They hitch their horses to the post out front and hop off.

Motch: Randy! It's a house!

Randy: Correct me if I'm wrong Motch, but I think that it even has... walls!

Motch: I believe you are right Randy! What a find! Now we have shelter from the storms.

Randy: Yeah, I put that part together boss

Motch walks through the door. For some reason the door did not open automatically.

Motch: I am confounded Randy

Randy: Try the knob sir

Motch: I will not succumb to your advances Randy, putting them in the dialect of our forefathers will not make me try your knob! Nor your ass! Now what is the solution to this problem?

Randy sighs and reaches for the door handle, turning the knob and entering.

Motch: You've done it Randy, I must say it was rather... elementary my dear Randy.

Randy: Yeah, shut the hell up Motch.

As the two men settle down inside it becomes quite apparent that this is no ordinary house... it was, in fact, a normal house.

Thundering in the distance, from both directions, signals an unpleasant fate. But suddenly, all at once, the thundering stops. The storm of dust and the storm of cattle comes to a halt. They look outside and see, well, a frankly odd sight. Staring each other down are two parties, the cattle and...well that's just odd - To Be Continued