Veils of Storm

33. Pain

PART III

Kat couldn't remember being in more pain in her life.

Even so, she felt more like herself than ever. Like the woman she had been before the madness had started, before she'd stumbled into Cage's castle and found out just how powerful magic still was.

Like the girl looking out for her father, trying to survive the winter and avoid marriage to a man who was not that bad.

Life had been hard then. It had also been much easier. The dangers back then were not starve if they didn't get food or freeze in lack warm clothes. Then there was the scorn of their town. Easy to fix in the grander scheme of things.

She never wore black back then. Now she was draped in it, tears stinging her eyes as they refused to leave the tiny boat amid the raging waves.

She was not that girl anymore. That girl would have fallen off her feet, and tried to keep vomit in. This woman had sea legs, magic, fear, and doubt. This woman had a fire raging inside her.

This woman was alone and in agony even as she stood among people she had come to consider friends. But she'd betrayed her friends. Her agony and theirs were of her doing.

"We will miss you, old friend." Jazz's voice was grave as he lifted a longbow.

Jinx leaned towards him and set the tip of the arrow on fire. With a loud twang of well-adjusted spring, Jazz launched it into the night and in a matter of moments, the little boat turned into a pyre, burning Harrison to ashes to be spread out at sea.

A sailor's funeral.

The tears finally cascaded down Kat's cheeks and she clutched her shoulders tight, trying to keep herself together. No one had blamed her for what happened and it felt wrong. Jazz had mentioned that it looked as if Harrison was killed by a cannonball. But for some reason, she couldn't shake the guilt and the terror inside her. She couldn't believe him, even if she desperately needed to.

She'd seen what she'd done, the damage to their ship. With her own two hands, without holding back and without a mere thought of the consequences, she'd launched everything she had forward.

The incident had torn her apart, tore her away from the others in a moment when she needed someone more than ever. Her eyes instinctively moved to Cage.

He stood tall and fierce, dressed in black as well, his strong arms crossed over his chest, leaning his shoulder against the mast. His eyes were lost on the flames of Harrison's boat, for once not glassy. The expression on his face was unreadable.

In the day they'd been on the ship, he hadn't spoken to her. As a matter of fact, he hadn't spoken to anyone at all. Kat still had no idea what had happened in Wolfbane's lair and if Trix had shared anything about it, it wasn't with her.

Her curiosity had been buried by the pain, and she hadn't asked. Given the state of Prince Ferdinand when she'd seen him, if that was even him, she wasn't even sure she wanted to know. It was difficult to fit into her own body when she was so distraught and yet so aware that she needed to provide comfort to Cage.

His brother had died. Harrison had died.

This was all her fault.

Her grip on her shoulders hurt, but she pushed harder, trying to keep the pain inside, respect the others' grief. They'd known Harrison so much longer and she'd taken him away from them. Jazz lied. She wasn't sure how she knew, but she was certain. Maybe to keep Trix and Jinx from tearing her to shreds.

Trix stood next to her, once again himself. His eyes were both uncovered and he looked even stranger dressed in black. He placed a gloved hand on her shoulder. It felt heavy and exhausted.