Amusements; or, a Winter Novel

Chapter 6 - Bulletproof Love

Chapter 6 - Bulletproof Love

After we all corrected some misunderstandings, we decided to pop a shot or two at Willow's home bar, get cozy, and just hang out like we were friends or something. Crack a beer or two. Keep in mind, I just met these people, and I think I'm getting along with them just fine.

"And then I said," I said in a tipsy state: "that's not a snake-shifter, that's my brother's wife!"

Then the whole group of 5 collapsed into laughter.

"Wait wait," I said: "I got another one for y'all folks. What do you call an Emperor's Coven crony with a lot of money?"

"What?" asked Gus with tears in his eyes from laughing.

"A politician." I said.

"Pff-haha!" Hunter said.

"*snaps my fingers* That's a guy who's got a sense of humor!" I said to Hunter. "And really there's not a difference between a politician and an Emperor's Coven crony. Or Donald Trump."

"*wheezes* That's a good one." Luz said.

"Alright, another one." I said. "What's the difference between an Emperor's Coven crony and a 2nd grader?"

"What?" asked Gus.

"The second graders have a 1st grade education!" I said.

"Hey that's not exactly true." Hunter said.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I've been in the Emperor's Coven, and I can tell you that they are anything but stupid. I had to train hard just to get a position. I had to train rigorously in the arts of manoeuver and combat, as well as magic combat. I had to read dozens upon dozens of books in order to learn how the enemy thinks; I had to read published authors that were part of the Emperor's Coven in order to learn strategy, planning, and politics, as well as history, arts, culture, world affairs, and etiquette. Even people outside the coven suggested that I was older than I had seemed when I first met Willow; that I had the intellect of a college-graduate professor."

"*Inhales* Ok, noted." I said to Hunter in agreeance. "Guess I have to aim a bit more logically for these punchlines. I'm drunk, but who isn't tonight, am I right?!"

"Yeah!" Gus said as he raised his bourbon glass.

"Alright." I said. "What do you call a Boiling Isles poet without a girlfriend?"

"Gay?" Gus asked.

"*Laughs* That's a good one, that's a really good one. But not the punchline unfortunately, August." I said to Gus.

"Aww." Gus said.

"No;" I said: "Homeless!"

"Pff-*giggles* That's actually better. Lol." Amity said.

As the night went on, as it aged, as it got older and older, we got drunker and drunker, and purportedly I had even vomited my guts of brandy and shit beer in the sink like a little bitch.

It was no surprise that being as drunk as that, could make one sleep just about anywhere.

I woke up on the floor next to Jelly and Mantra, whom were the most adorable Golden Labradors I've ever woken up next to, but when I did that the rest were still asleep. I saw Gus sleeping on the bathroom entrance, Luz and Amity holding hands at the nearby library room, while Hunter and Willow were missing.

And impeccably so. Like, I couldn't find them anywhere in the living lounge, with the stench and putrescence of alcohol, vomit and maybe some blood from accidentally stumbling over obstacles stifling and trifling one, that could cause you to break something. Who the heck knows?