What a Pity

42: Marlboros

I walk back into the house after I saw them leave. This could be a very bad idea.

Who cares, yolo or whatever.

I walk towards the back. My eyes widen at the sight of boxes stacked on top of each other, and they weren't labeled.

Fuck.

I sigh and grab a box. I plop down onto the floor and start digging. I'm not a drug expert but I'm pretty sure this is Molly. I grab the next box, and this is Adderall.

I grab a different box and gasp when I open it. There's a briefcase inside of it. My hand rubs  the briefcase, feeling a logo embedded on the top. I look closer and see what looks to be a wolf.

I wonder what the fuck that is.

Anyways.

I put it down and keep looking for the box I want. Just as I start to believe they don't have any, I open one of the last boxes and sigh of relief at the sight of little sandwich bags filled with the white powder.

I smile as I see it.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I grab a handful of the bags and run over to the table in the kitchen. I pour some out and look around for some kind of card. I grab a random paper towel and use it to line it up.

Evelyn, please don't do this to yourself.

The door swings open and I jump up, grabbing my gun out of my pants. Zeke walks in with a confused expression.

I sigh and put my gun down. "Peanut? How the fuck did you..." His eyes connects with the white powder on the table behind me and I see his eyes widen.

Before I can turn around to grab the bags he runs over and throws me over his shoulder. I flail my legs around. "Put me down, Zeke!"

He carries me outside and locks the door behind him. "What the fuck, Evelyn? Why would you do that?"

I hear him open a car door before I get thrown into the backseat, my head landing on someone's lap. My eyes trail up the body until my eyes lock with Ant.

Zeke gets in the passenger seat while I sit up. I reach for he handle but the door is locked. "Child's lock." Matt mumbles from the driver's seat.

Ant looks at me and then at Zeke. "What was she doing in there."

"She was tryna snort some coke." He shakes his head, before he buries his face into his hands. Ant immediately looks at me with eyes full of anger, probably because I was about to steal his shit.

But when his eyes lock with mine, his eyes immediately soften. "Why would you do that, Pea? You're doing so good-"

"No! I am not doing good! I've been having nightmares every night. I've been having panic attacks every day." I begin to cry. "I can't do this shit anymore."

My emotions finally begin to bubble over. I've had these feelings and thoughts buried deep down where nobody could see. I put on a brave face so my friends think I'm better, because I can't hurt them again.

But I am not better.

I shake my head. "You guys said that this shit will fry brain. You said it would kill me. You said it will permanently change me. But honestly I don't care because that's exactly why I'm doing this!" I grab my head, my fingers digging into my scalp. "I want it to change me, I want it to kill me, I fucking hate myself!"

Ant grabs my hands, so I can't scratch my head anymore. When I look at him. I see tears in his eyes.

I've never seen Ant cry. Honestly I didn't know he was capable.