Heart Stealer

No witnesses

I groaned, rubbing my head. Nathan frowned lightly as I waved my hand frantically. "I'm good, I'm good. Don't worry. Just- don't make me laugh." He sighed, "Maybe I should go.. I'm getting a bit tired anyway, I don't want to overstay my welcome." I shrugged. "You don't have to stay if you don't want to, it's alright." I yawned. "I could use some rest too." Nathan shrugged as he slowly got up, giving me one more hug before walking to my door. "Sweet dreams, Mel." He smiled lightly as he shut the door behind him. I listened carefully to his footsteps as they made their way downstairs, into the kitchen and out the front door. 

Slowly, my eyes began to feel hot. I started to frown and bite my lips, but it was too late when the tears started streaming down my cheeks and down my neck, disappearing into my shirt. I felt extremely guilty and unbelievably angry at myself for making everyone worry. I started to hiccup and sniffle, feeling snot occasionally go down my throat and then fill up my nose again. I cried silently, my head aching as the muscles in my head became tight. Of course, I wasn't going to worry anyone as long as I wasn't making any noises, or any sound at all. 

Just yet another mental breakdown that no one else but me will remember. I usually like to cry alone, just so I don't embarrass anyone but myself. I feel as if crying in front of people is a weakness, or even a cry for help. I don't ever want to cry for help or scream and kick for a way out. If I'm going to suffer for a good ending, it might as well be worth it. Even if it isn't exactly an ending I want, I'll keep waking up every day, eating, drinking, brushing my teeth, looking at myself crying in the mirror, even letting myself feel my heart shatter into bits. After all, the only person I trust with this information is Riza. 

I feel very lucky to have her, just not lucky to have this brain, this mindset, this body, this entire life that I have at all. I dwell on my current situation as I continue relieving myself through hiccups and silent cries that make my brain feel as if it's melting. I take in sharp, quick breaths as I cry harder. However, after a couple of minutes, I sighed and wiped the tears from my eyes.

 "I have to go shopping now." I thought to myself as I snuck out of my room. I crept downstairs, still sniffling. I grabbed my thin jacket from the hanger and slipped on my sneakers, zipping up my jacket before tying my shoelaces. Huffing, I went out of the front door, making sure to lock it behind me. I always carried an extra key. Sometimes if I forgot to, I would just crawl through my window.

Walking down the small, concrete path to the sidewalk, my mind was filled with nothing but the grocery list I had memorized.

 Eggs, 

milk, 

bread, 

cinnamon, 

vanilla extract,

 salt, 

and... what was it?..  Doesn't matter, I'd figure it out when I got there. I sighed, wobbling my way to the street corner as I sat on the lonely bus stop bench. The light flickered rapidly as I squinted, the flickering pattern annoying my eyes. I put my left leg over my right, shaking it out of boredom. Or maybe anxiety. Maybe I was uncontrollably anxious to go to the store, or even get on the bus with human eyes on me. I'm the same as them, I have two eyes, hair, feet, hands, skin, organs, everything. Why am I afraid of them if they're the same being as me? If I only LOOK different? It was no big deal, but convincing myself would always be a waste of time. 

I wiped my eyes, feeling how they were still red and a bit itchy from earlier. Now, I felt nothing. My heart was empty, but not my head. I recited the list over and over, trying to figure out what was missing. Was it fruit? Did we run out of apples, or bananas, or grapes? What was it? I stopped thinking when I saw a man, not too skinny, 5'9 or so with black hair, walk up to me and sit down beside me. I got extremely nervous, closing my throat so I wouldn't start talking.

In my peripherals, I could see him staring at me. Looking at the ground shortly, then looking back at me for longer. I gulped, staring straight ahead. He cleared his throat, scooting himself slightly closer to me. "Nice night, isn't it?" He chuckled. "..Yeah..Sure is." I whispered. "What's your name, killer?" I gulped, side-eyeing him. "..Why would you want to know..?" I asked, tensing up. "Mh, just curious." He shrugged, relaxing himself on the bench as he crossed his arms and slumped forward. I thought for a minute. What name would fit me most, especially a name I could pull from the top of my head?

"Sarah...What about you?" "Ooh, Sarah.. I like that." 

He nodded with a grin. His eyelids hung low, almost like a cat. I was almost facing him, sometimes catching quick sneak peaks of him. He was kind of cute, but not my ideal man. I shrugged to myself, remembering Nathan. "I'm Tokya." He held his hand out to me, which had thin yet rough fingers. Without looking at him, I shook his hand. "..Nice to meet you." He smiled, satisfied as he pulled away. "You too, Sarah.. So, where you headed?" I gulped. "Just.. to the store. I know it's late and all that, but I figured I might as well catch some things before.. the folks.. at home.. complain." He sighed. "Oh yeah, I get that. Hey, we're both goin' to the store, isn't that funny?" 

I let out a fake chuckle. "Yeah.. sure is." Soon, the bus had arrived. I swiftly stood up, tensing every part of my body as I waited for the doors to open. When I found myself to be invited inside, I walked towards the bus and climbed the small set of stairs. Then, I scanned the seats quickly. Noticing the back seats were completely empty, I took my chance and sat down in the back row. Tokya followed suit with a slight smile on his face. He sat next to me, crossing his legs and holding his arms above his head. 

I looked out of the window, fiddling with my hair as I rocked one foot back and forth. "Hey, you seem nervous. What's up?" "Oh.. nothing. I'm just.. not really a social person." I replied, yawning. I stretched my arms, cracking a few bones. Relaxing my hands on my thighs, I stared at the few rain drops that had collected on the window. I turned to Tokya, who was already looking at me. "Hey, do you know what time it is?" He hummed, pushing up the sleeve of his cardigan on his right arm to reveal his watch. He stared at it for a few seconds before looking back to me. "Mmm, it's about.. 11:30 I think." "Okay, thank you." He smiled, putting a thumbs up. I turned back to the window, observing the glowing, third-quarter moon. 

A couple of minutes passed, maybe half an hour, and the bus slowed to a stop. "Is this our stop?" I tilted my gaze to the right. "Seems to be." He answered, groaning as he stood up. He shifted sideways, allowing me to go before him. He held a hand out to me, which I took immediately as I got up and began walking.

 I could hear his heavy boots behind me, 

following the same pace and pattern as my feet. 

...And

giggling?