Dear Mister Summers

forty three

Andin barely remembered getting blood drawn. The nurse had been chatting away as she had done her job, smiling and laughing at her own jokes. However, for her, it felt like she existed inside a bubble at this moment. The outside world was not penetrating the fog over her mind, and the numbness only increased as she stopped at the drugstore and purchased a pregnancy test.

Was she pregnant? The question swirled around and around inside her head. She wondered if it was even possible. Unfortunately for her, it was possible. She and Sebastian had unprotected sex that morning, and now they might be facing the consequences of it. Andin took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly.

What would she do if it turned out that she was truly pregnant? Sebastian would have to know. The baby would definitely be his and she was not going to keep that kind of information from him after all, she had grown up without a father. She knew firsthand how hard it had been, she would not let her child suffer through that.

Andin looked at the pregnancy test box. It was such an innocuous device. Yet it had the potential of completely changing her life forever. She drew in a deep breath and decided that once and for all, she had to know. She had to do it. There was no point in putting it off any longer. If she knew, then she could start making plans, regardless of what the outcome was. So she carried the test into the bathroom. She felt very nervous.

She sat on the toilet seat and peed on the stick. "Please be negative," she begged.

Once she flushed the toilet, she went outside the bathroom and waited. She did not want to look at it, she did not want to see what it said but she had to. Taking a deep breath, she turned the test over. There were two lines that appeared. Andin shook the stick but nothing happened.

"I'm pregnant," she said with a sigh.

The test dropped and clattered on the floor yet she barely even noticed. Her mind was completely numb. She was pregnant and the father of her child was her boss who did not believe in love. Suddenly she was not only repressing herself from vomiting, but she was also developing a headache. She had always known that it was a possibility and she knew the chance of it was quite high but she really had hoped that it still would be negative. Unfortunately, it was not and now she had to think clearly which was quite hard to do given the situation at hand.

Andin stumbled over to the couch and sat heavily. She knew she had to tell Sebastian as soon as possible. She realized that the best thing she had to do would be pick up the phone and call him. He needed to be involved in this matter because this was his child too. But with Maria's threat, she could not risk her finding out and sending the photos to the newspapers. She could not risk him getting sued for something he did not do. She could not let him get hurt.

A baby. What was she supposed to do with a baby? She lived in a one-bedroom apartment and she worked five days a week. She was still single. And she submitted her resignation letter and forfeited her salary this month. On top of being pregnant, she needed to find a job. Panic started to form in her chest, a heavy lump that made it hard to breathe. She could not have a baby but at the same time, she did not think she could bring herself to have an abortion. There was too much to think about. Suddenly, nine months stretched out before her, and the end of it seemed far too close.

"Damn!" Andin brushed the sweat off her forehead and leaned back against the back of the couch.

Would Sebastian know what to do? This was his child too. But finding out his thoughts required telling him, and she simply could not do that right now. Andin slumped down on the pillows of the couch. She wanted to scream and rant and rage.

She took a deep calming breath and reminded herself, "I am a strong woman. I can do this."

The tiredness took over and soon she fell into a deep slumber. Both her body and mind were tired and all she needed at the moment was rest.