I have to confess that I didn't want to fall in love, that on our first date I was nervous, that when I saw you I thought of a thousand excuses to keep away my heart. I didn't want to feel my shaking legs or my anxious hands when you looked at me. I thought you were going too fast and your brazen eyes made me feel uncomfortable. But the truth was that my lips wanted to taste yours. That I melted every time you kissed me with that force, that passion. When we made love for the first time I just wanted to run away and cry, it all felt rushed and wrong, because I wasn't planning to love you. The first time I woke up next to you with the sunshine lighting my face, I told myself again that this was going too fast. I was insecure, because someone had already broken my heart, because I was giving you moments that I only wanted to keep for someone special. But I liked your touch and how we fell in bed, how you hugged me on my sleep. You were not the first man in my life but you were the first in many other things. I don't like to be touched but I realized I loved you when I woke up every day aching for your arms around me. I fell in love with your eye color, the naughty look in your eyes, your desperation to undress me, the way you locked your fingers with mine, and even with your temper and little patience. I fell for those little presents, for those roses that were even more valuable because I knew you didn't like them, your freedom when you walked undressed around our place, your confused look when I didn't want to talk, the way you said "I love you" making it sound real. I was scared by those words because you were the first to say them, you were the first who I could call my partner and scream with no shame that I loved. The short trips by car were never so fun before, and the wait for seeing someone was never so painful. If I could make up for all my mistakes, I would do it. If I could be your girl again, I would. I love you a little, I love you, I love you so much. I will miss the sound of the bed squeaking when you got up and when you asked me to hug you, how you looked at me and tangled our legs together. How you upset me saying shameful words. I will miss your smile and the feeling of you so big next to me. I will miss that funny way of seeing you through the mirror. Remember that in your suitcase you have a part of my best moments, that you stole things that I didn't want to give anyone else and I hope you appreciate them because I will never get them back, for that will only happen if I have you again by my side.
