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chapter iv.
Liz Gillies had been working in the acting industry for as long as she could remember. She started at age 12, made her broadway debut at 15, and was casted as Jade West in the hit series Victorious at 18, not too long after her split from Nova. She loved her job, she wouldn't trade it for anything. Acting felt like second nature to her, she always wondered if maybe that was why pretending to be straight came so easy to her.
Liz knew she was not like everyone else from a young age. While other kids insisted on playing their respective genders during dolls or house, she didn't mind playing the "man" or the "husband". Sure, maybe that wasn't odd but the other kids seemed to find it weird. Unless of course it was all girls playing and they needed a "husband" for the game. While her friends gushed about the boys they had crushes on, she never understood. She knew objectively some of them were attractive, they just didn't appeal her to her beyond that. In fact, it was the girls that caught her eye. She told one of her friends this in elementary school, the girl told her it wasn't normal because "mommy and daddy said only boys can like girls!" And vise versa. As a little kid, she thought if an adult was saying that, then it must be true. She even decided to ask her parents, who displayed disgusted looks almost instantly, telling her it was wrong and not to ever ask about such a thing again. So from that point on, she knew she had to keep her attraction towards girls a secret.
Surprisingly, it was relatively easy for the first few years. That was until she was around 14 years old and met a girl. This girl was named Rachel, she had algebra with Liz and they sat right next to one another. From the moment Liz met her, something changed. It was like a flip switched, one she hadn't let herself think about in years. Over time, she started to befriend Rachel and the more she got to know her, the more she fell for her. She learned her lesson about telling people about these feelings before, so she kept them to herself. But, that didn't stop her from becoming really close with her. They had sleepovers almost every weekend, they sat together at lunch every day; Rachel was her best friend. Her feelings for the girl continued to grow, she could've sworn she was in love. Sometimes, she even let herself pretend they were girlfriends. She quickly would snap herself back into reality, but for those few seconds she would imagine herself as Rachel's girlfriend, it just felt right. It felt safe. That was until one fateful sleepover about a year into their friendship when they decided to experiment a little bit. Rachel had joked about wanting to know what it was like to kiss a girl, Liz played it off at first, despite wanting to kiss the girl in front of her so badly. Rachel, however, kept pushing. She said it would just be for fun, that it was just a stupid kiss, that her other friends said they did it before. Liz was in a rock and a hard place, but ultimately gave in. They sat in front of each other on Liz's bedroom floor before leaning in and pecking each other on the lips. Her palms were sweaty, her heart was nearly beating out of her chest, and she was hit with the realization that she liked that. She liked girls. It wasn't just a crush on a friend, she had kissed a girl and enjoyed it. Before she could say anything, Rachel made a joke about "definitely being straight" before moving along, acting like their kiss didn't happen.
