Celebrity Couple | Jakehoon

22. Ghosting

<Ghosting> 

The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.

I: Why did you separate?

SH: Our timing was off? We were young and triggered each other. JK: Neither of us had been in a real relationship before, let alone a BL relationship.

I: But your ship was so authentic? I love the beginning when Hoon would constantly stare at you and would get jealous when you got close to other members, even though you were just being friendly and comforting. JK: He wears his heart on his sleeve. SH: You were better at hiding your emotions.

JK: True. I could feel the intensity of his gaze. Whenever I realized I was too touchy-feely close with other members, I would suddenly stop and look over to see if SH noticed.

SH: My jealousy, possessiveness and controlling ways triggered our separation. I have trust issues. I felt abandoned and rejected like he was cheating on me whenever he was paying more attention to other members.  So I ghosted him.

I: Isn't that hard when you're in the same band? Don't you need to communicate?

SH: We were professionals, so we acted accordingly when we were on camera.

JK: But off camera, there was no personal communication and he wouldn't spend time with me during our free time. He would just ignore me off-camera. It made me sad, I didn't know what I did. People couldn't tell, he was like 2 different people in public and private. The members suspected something but didn't say anything, thinking we must have had a fight like that's what couples do.

SH: My jealousy and possessiveness got the better of me. His kindness and care for others I mistook as cheating on me emotionally, like a betrayal. My feelings were hurt. I was mad. I hated him for that and I took it out on him and ghosted him because I wanted him to feel my pain.

I: So you want JK 24x7? SH: Well, not when he's s*, that would be questionable, right? Everything else is fair game <smirk> JK: <shook>

JK: I was inconsiderate. I didn't realize what I did hurt SH. I didn't realize he had already formed such a strong attachment to me and that he took our ship seriously. I felt the same strong connection but scared I was being played. I didn't know if he wanted to be a real couple off-camera.

I didn't know if he wanted a commitment, I thought he just wanted to play. With him, I felt safe releasing my inner child and not be judged. It was easy with us, things and conversation came out so naturally. And we enjoyed each other's company, laughing and playing.  

I don't know if I was projecting my own insecurities on him. But he liked to flirt and I didn't want my feelings toyed with and be treated like just a plaything. I was afraid he might be a player. He has so many girls and guys throwing themselves at him.  He's at a higher caliber than the types of guys or girls I was used to meeting.

JK: But he's an introvert, we both are. But he's even more so, but he's getting better. So we are bad at communicating our emotions to each other when it came to how we felt about each other.

SH: JK doesn't know how to lie. So he'll stay quiet than say something bad about a person. But he can be brutally honest at times. He doesn't know how to sugarcoat and manipulate things to cheat and win favors. He'd rather put in the effort. Which is why he's so authentic.

JK: You make me sound like a saint. I'm far from perfect. I struggle every day to choose the right path like most people. But I think it gets easier when you get into a groove over time and you learn to trust that pattern and your intuition, you learn to see the trajectory of that path that leads to the light, happiness, and purpose.  SH: With me? JK: Yeah.