My dead boyfriends diary - L.S

2014

January 18 2014

hii. im back at the hospital. I got my first new years kiss. It was amazing. I wasn't allowed to drink because off my medication but i was allowed one glass champaigne at midnight. It tasted delicious. I'm getting chemo each 3 days. Monday, wednasday & friday. Then resting from it two days before starting again. This time it is not really as 'strong' as the last time. That is good though, because i am not as weak as before. I've gotten a little bit strenght back. It feels good. I told mom to give this diary to Louis when i die. She said ''if you die''. I said ''when''. I don't know, i just think i am getting used to the tought of maybe dying. Louis has been here a lot, Lottie too. She's really sweet and she talks just as much as her brother. Gosh, i am so in love with that man. How is it possible to love someone as much as i love him? I don't understand. BUt i guess that is what love is.

x Harry

march 2 2014

Hello. This is Louis, Harrys boyfriend, again. Anne showed me this book. But don't worry Hazza, neither one of us have readen it. I'm just giving you an update on Harry. Well, he collapsed at January 14 and since then it has been very critical for him. He has been in coma and woke up yesterday. We was all worried sick about him! He is wo weak and so pale and it scares me because he was so close to dying. Something about his lungs made him collaps. I've been so terrified. I don't know if you've been aware Harry, but i've been with you everyday. Barely left, only to shower once in a while and to get my schoolbooks. I've been here 24 hours a day and so has your mother. Gemma has called three times a day to check on you and everyone in school has been worried. Everyone loves you so much Harry, it's crazy. But i do love you more than them. I love you so much. and oh my god, i am so happy that you woke up. It wasn't even sure you would wake up from the coma but you did. Because you're a fighter. Seriousley, Harold, you are the strongest person i've ever met. Right now, you are sleeping. And i am gonna take a quick shower. uh, and happy one year anniversity baby. I wish you were here with me so we could celebrate it more properly but i'm so happy that you're even alive after all this.I'm so blessed to have you in my life Harold, i don't know what to do without you. You're my sunshine.

Goodbye my love, Lou :) x

July 19 2014

Wow. It has been a really long time. I have had it really rough recovering from this. I was in coma for a long time and it made some damage on my brain. Not something big, i'm just having a hard time remembering things. Like old faces and stuff. But once they tell who they are i'm like remembering them again. It feels really strange to be honest. But luckily, the doctors said it will go away soon. I have also been very very weak so i haven't been able to be outside until today and oh god what an amazing feeling to be outside in the sun for the first time since Januray. God, thats like 5 monthas. 5!!!! Louis, Mom and Niall has been here a lot. Zayn is on vacation in some strange country i don't know the name off. He has been sure to call a lot though. Gemma has been calling loads of times each day. We've facetimed when i've had the stenght for it. I love my friends, family & boyfriend so much. They have all been so supportive towards me. Louis mom and sisters has been here a couple of times too. I love them so much. I also turned 16. Sweet, sweet 16. It would have been nice to be 16, if i hadn't been in this stupid hospital. I am so sick of this. So tired of this. Some days i wish i would just die already. But i can't leave mom and Louis like that. It wouldn't be fair. I'm so tired all the time and it taeks so much effort just to go to the bathroom. It is so unfair. I've never done anything so bad in life that i think i deserve this. I really don't. What have i done to deserve this? I forgot to tell you. The cancer isn't getting any better. But it's not getting any worse at the moment either. They will wait until i am a little stronger until they're gonna put me on chemo again. This time some different, stronger dose. Ugh. Louis and I have been together for over a year by the way. I think this will last forever. I really do. At least i hop it does. And right, at my 16th birthday some fond gave me a free wish. I can wish whatever i want to. How sick!? I think about an trip to either Paris or Disneyland with Louis, Mom and Gemma. It would be so so awesome, wouldn't it?