My Poems/Ramblings

Let's just see where this goes

Alright. I'm going to write, whatever pops in my head. I'm listening to Fly Me to the Moon by Frank Sinatra, then I'll be listening to Jessica Lange singing Gods and Monsters and Low by Coldplay. What music I listen to sometimes determines what I write...It plays on my mood. So, here we go:

Really this song just makes me want to play Fallout 3...and it makes me think of the first person I fell in love with...You see, most people get to actually be in a relationship with their "first love". I didn't get that. I got "I like you, too, but I'm not ready for a relationship." I waited and waited for something that was never going to come. I loved that person with all of my heart. After this experience, though, I declared I never wanted to be anybody's first love. I also never wanted to fall in love anyone again, and so far, I haven't. If I can't love someone with all of my heart, I don't want to love someone at all, and a piece of my heart stayed with that person. So, falling in love with someone is not my agenda anytime soon...and I certainly don't want anybody to fall in love with me, which I have 20 years of life proving that to be pretty easy. People complain about being put in the "friend-zone". I put myself there...automatically. It works. My life is so unsatisfying. I want to do so much, but I have no idea what to do. I'm running out of things to pass time. I can't stand it. It's driving me insane. I just need to punch something, but even that is unsatisfying. My life is so fucking mundane and boring, and I cannot stand it. I try to fill it with distractions, but when it comes down to it, this is it. This is my life...and I hate it. I think I need to play some video games. Those are pretty distracting. Mostly the shooters and stuff. I might delve into some Left 4 Dead or Fallout 3 later...Those are pretty in depth and distracting. I need distractions. I try to read books or stories, but my mind still wanders about. I think videogames and music are the only things that can continuously keep my attention, depending. I say depending because it depends on the video game. It has to be action packed. Zelda is great, I love it, but it's not good for a distraction. Silence is maddening. One person once said, "I can hear silence, and it's deafening.". I believe them. Silence drives me insane. If I'm inside the house for more than a few minutes with absolutely nothing making sound, I can't stand it. So, the TV or music has to be on, at all times, until I'm going to sleep. "Silence is golden." No, silence is probably the worst thing ever, for those of us with malevolent inner demons. Silence is hell.

/I think I'm going to leave it there. This is boring. I thought it would be fun, but it isn't. It just makes me think about shit that I don't want to think about. So, I'm done.\